Another disappointment

It's hard to know how candid to be on a blog. Your thoughts are there for anyone and everyone to see. Some people I know handle this by making their blogs only available to invited readers. I think I have dealt with this mostly by self-censorship. There have been details about certain jobs I didn't get as well as interviews and negotiations with local employers that I decided to omit from any online posting due to the possibility that it could be found and read by those same people.

But I think that for the situation I'm writing about today, I'll be more candid than usual.

Most of you know that we are considering adoption through San Diego County. We've decided to go this route for a few reasons. First, there is a huge need for children to get safe and loving homes right here in our area. Second, neither Jenetta nor I are really into the whole infant thing. So international infant adoption just does not appeal to us, and due to a number of reasons we have decided not to conceive ourselves. But I think the reason that is developing into the largest motivator for us is the idea that it is a great picture of the way God reaches out to us - inviting us into His family and giving us a place of love and signficance. We want to reach out in our small way because of the love and blessing God gives us.

What few of you know is that we had two specific girls in mind. It turns out that there is a need closer to us than we ever imagined. Two of our friends are heading out to work with a missionary group in Africa helping with AIDS orphans and teaching a God-centered view of abstinance that focuses on the worth of humanity as God's creation as the reason for respecting the body and others. While they have been preparing to leave, they were asked to take in two little girls as foster children. These girls knew our friends as Grandpa and Grandma (although they weren't blood relatives) so it made so much sense that they take them in. Our friends found it impossible to leave and work with orphans on another continent when there was an immediate need presented to them right here. While they delayed their departure, they still feel that they should be heading to Africa and are planning on leaving later this spring.

So, we have decided to step out in faith and communicate with them and our social worker our interest in these girls. We are terrified by this prospect with the current state of our business, but after a lot of prayer and a lot of discussion, we feel that to pass on this need is really saying "No" to God and to an opportunity for growth and to be a part of the solution for someone else. Our friends have been praying that if not us, someone like us would step up. We would welcome a long term connection between the girls and our friends. You can never have too many loving grandparents!

So you may be wondering, "What about this is disappointing?" Yesterday we found out that due to a technicality in our application and the problem of state bureacracies, our acceptance into the program will certainly be delayed until March and quite possibly could be delayed as much as a year. This would definitely mean that the two girls would go to someone else. Yesterday was a day of several disappointments. We got the call that this year-long delay was almost a certainty. I got another job rejection for something I really wanted to do. A rehearsal space for our band that I was hoping to use next week will not be available for some time. It started to rain. I could go on. I felt like crap most of the afternoon.

A day removed gives perspective. I shared it all with a close friend who sympathized with me with the "that sucks" which is a code phrase that means a lot to those of us in our home group. We had a really nice dinner with Jenetta's mom and grandmother. Jenetta played mexican train dominoes with me. (Those of you who know Jenetta's disdain for games understand this sacrifice of love on her part). We turned on the fireplace and watched an interesting French film about the life of Moliere. We had a nice conversation about trusting God and what our emotional state should be through the ups and downs of all this.

Even as I'm writing this, I'm finding it helpful to vent a bit. I'm listening to Guster on my iPod. (The simple chords on "Happier" are so incredible! I'm going to play that song again.) I'm wearing my favorite sweater. God is in control. He knows what is best for our friends, for the two little girls, and for us. We'll see what happens and trust Him along the way.