Layoffs

Well, it's official now.

Feb. 27 will be my last day at Sony.

I was able to work just under six months of the twelve months I was hired for.

Jenetta booked a wedding yesterday. We can pay the bills this month.

Not sure about after that...

Going for it...

After a lot of consideration, I've decided to try to run the Rock-N-Roll marathon here in SD on May 31. I felt pretty good after running the 10-mile race on Thanksgiving Day. This is ONLY 16.2 miles longer than that race!

Actually, the biggest thing that has been holding me back is the amount of time needed to train. I enjoy running, but usually, I have the time to do it only once or twice a week. To prepare for this, I need to be running between 4-6 times a week and gradually extending the length of my long runs on Saturdays. Life gets in the way, as do all the extra activities I enjoy like surfing, playing wallyball, hikes with the guys, etc.

I wanted to see how well I could stick to the training schedule over a few weeks before I signed up or made an official decision to pursue this goal. Even with working very late two nights last week on a commercial shoot, I only really missed one of the training sessions, and I had a great 6-mile run on Saturday at Kit Carson Park.

Another concern has been injury. I have a nagging ankle sprain from a hike in the Autumn, but I've found that it is aggravated when I run on concrete, and I don't even notice it when running on dirt or asphalt. So, I won't be running around work any longer - nothing but sidewalks around here.

If you are curious about what I will actually be doing to prepare, here is the schedule I am trying to follow. I am currently in week 4. This is going to be one of the hardest things I've ever done, but I would like to realize my goal and complete the marathon in 4 hrs and 30 min which would be slightly slower than 10 minute miles. Do you think I can do it?

Ceder Creek Falls

I went on a hike yesterday with some of my friends to see Cedar Creek Falls. It is a hike I've wanted to do for many years. We had a great time going up and spending the day together. And even though it was January 10th, we convinced Jeremy to jump into the water.








This hike is between the end of SD Country Estates in Ramona and at the very end of Eagle Peak Rd in Julian. We drove to Julian and met people coming the other way. Now we know! It would have cut about a half hour off our drive each way.

Eventually that trail comes out at El Capitan reservoir near Lakeside. I think we will do a full day one-way trip sometime. There were many things we wanted to check out if we were to return.

One nice bonus was that we were afraid it would be really windy up there and along the road there were Oak trees that had lost large branches all over the roadway. But we quickly descended into the valley and the winds were very calm. It was great!

My dreams...

I've been thinking about this posting for a while. I think that is how this blog thing works for me. I have an idea that brews for several days, and then something happens that makes it "boil over" somehow, and I have to write about it.

I've been having very vivid dreams where I remember many of the details. I don't remember this happening so frequently in the past. My theory is that with my current job, I get up at the same time everyday, and I often wake up just before my alarm clock goes off, so I remember the dreams that I was just experiencing. I think this happens more for me now than in the past when I got up at different times every day depending on what work was scheduled in the mornings.

Regardless of the reason, I have been affected by clear memories of dreams. The one that I had yesterday morning was really great. The Chargers were playing the Baltimore Ravens in San Diego, and Nick Kaeding kicked a game-winning field goal to win the game as time expired to send the Chargers to the Super Bowl. I don't know if my dreams are prophetic, but this could happen next week, so this is a dream I really hope comes true!

But more often, my dreams are darker and more discouraging. There is a variation of a dream that I have a lot - maybe as much as once a week. I call it the "Incompetence Dream." I hate it! I wake up in a cold sweat, my heart is racing, and I feel terrible about myself because of it. It is not a good start to the morning. The one I had a few days ago is one that I've had several times. I am teaching at Coconino HS again, and no one in the class is listening. The students are nearly rioting, and nothing I can say will get them to calm down. I yell myself hoarse to no avail. In this dream, I am irrelevant, ineffective, and out of control. It raises my blood pressure just to write about this one. I haven't taught HS for over 10 years now, but that dream makes it feel like I still teach now. I had some bad days and some challenging students, but my dream makes it a hundred times worse than it ever was in reality.

The one that I had this morning is another one that frequently happens to me as well. In this one, I am acting in a play for which I am completely underprepared. I barely know my lines, and I am due to make an entrance. I haven't acted in a show since 1995 (it's been a while), and to my knowledge, this never happened to me in real life. But in the dream, I'm backstage and something or someone delays me or distracts me and I have to go out without knowing what to say. For the dream this morning, I was in "The Taming of the Shrew," and some of my friends from high school were trying to get me to do something, but I needed them to leave me alone so I could get into costume before the show. I got so distracted that I didn't notice that the show had started and I wasn't ready. I couldn't remember my lines, I didn't have all of my costume on, and I was downstairs in the dressing room and not in the wings for my entrance. The stage manager was calling for me over the intercom, and I woke up sweating 12 minutes before the alarm was to go off.

Did I mention that I hate these dreams?

The rational side of me says "You were thinking about all your friends and the theater experience because you were scanning your old photos for Facebook," and "Perhaps these unsettling dreams are just symptomatic of the uncertainty you feel about your position at Sony coming to an end in three months." The rational side of me is right.

But the dreams still really, really, really bother me. Maybe I am just having a fragile day today. But they make me feel ineffective, incompetent, useless, and small. I don't like to feel that way. And I feel that way a lot lately.

Here's where I come to the difficult part. I never know how to end these posts. I'd like to end with "... but I've realized ... and that makes everything so much better!" Or put some other positive spin on it somehow (like saying it is a learning and growing experience.) But that hasn't happened. I don't know what to do with these or what they say about me other than they make me feel bad, and I don't like them. And they seem to happen a lot.

More photos from Christmas

I took several hundred photos on our vacation last week. Here are just a few of them:

These are from our Christmas celebration as a family. We arrived around 1:30 on the 26th and had a great time with my family that afternoon and evening.






These are random photos of my immediate family taken at various times throughout the reunion.




These were taken the day that Joel and Emily left to go back home.



These were taken at Eskimo Hill in Lassen National Park. The snow was very icy and compacted, but we still had a lot of fun with the cousins and the kids.



These were shot at Shasta Lanes. We had a cousin bowling night. I didn't bowl very well, but we had a lot of fun playing on different teams with my cousins.

Jenetta's CVS and coupon tips were a big hit!



These were taken at the Sundial Bridge in Redding. We had a walk and hang out time with some of our cousins and with Jessica and Ashish there.



I probably could have put many more up, but these give you an idea. We feel really blessed to have so many cousins. All of them are really good people, and it was great to be able to connect with them and see what God is doing in their lives.

And as always, it was great to hang with my family especially now that Priya and Ella are a year older and are a lot more responsive :)

More family photos can be found on the reunion blog by clicking here.

Videos from Christmas

I experimented with taking videos this Christmas. Here are the better ones - check them out:

This one is of my family gathered to open gifts. My dad is thinking "I'm just looking at my beautiful family," right now.



This one is of my dad reading Luke Ch. 2. This is really funny to me. What happens when you add two 1-year olds to a family tradition? Chaos!



This one is of Joel playing with the helicopter that my dad got for Christmas.



This last one is Jenetta singing with Priya. As with most things with little kids and video, by the time you get the camera out, they are usually finished. But the little bit we got was still pretty cute.

Last Sunday at Candlestick Park

Last Sunday, I went with my dad, Judy, Kyle, and Joel to the 49ers - Redskins game. It was sad to say goodbye to Judy and Kyle after the game, but it sure was an exciting game! The Redskins tied the score with just over a minute to go in the 4th, but the home team put together a great drive to set up a game-winning field goal as time expired.

What made this most special was that it was Kyle's first NFL game, so I was really glad to be able to share that experience with him. I got a little grief for wearing a Chargers jersey to the game, but there were a few of us there wearing San Diego stuff. Plus, my team clobbered Denver later that night!

My Clan

I'll put up some more photos soon, but I wanted to share a photo showing the entire Brown side of the family. This is all my uncles and aunts and cousins on my Mom's side (except one who couldn't make it - and Priya who was asleep when we took the photo). They are all believers and are experiencing God working in their lives in unique and dramatic ways. It was great to see them and spend time getting re-connected.



We got home yesterday afternoon after a wonderful 8 day trip to Redding. I'll post some highlight photos soon, but if you are interested in checking out other stuff that went on relating to my cousins, we have set up a blog for us to share videos and images. Click here to check that out.