Today was the first day in a long time I've felt like sharing anything here. I had a very nice Father's Day. The girls made art projects and cards for me that they gave me in the morning. O had completely embalmed them in tape, so they were kind of mangled by the time she got them open... Oh well, it's the thought that counts, right? :)
Then we went to church where my friend Geoff did the guest message. I'm always impressed by Geoff. He is a deep thinker and is really passionate about doing his homework on the scriptures he teaches on. Then he does a really good job of laying it out so people like me can understand what is going on... He had a very touching bit at the end where his 7 year old son Jackson came up on stage and jumped up into his arms and he used it as a visual image of how God feels toward us.
We came home for lunch and naps and then we went to Swami's in Encinitas. Jenetta came along so I could surf as well as play with the girls in the water. The wind made the waves a bit choppy, and the swell was definitely mixed, but there were good waves to be had. The bigger sets were chest to shoulder high and I got a few really pleasant rides. Plus today was the first really warm day we've had in a long time. The sun burned through the clouds all the way to the coast, and it felt like summer. It's so nice to leave the wetsuit at home :) A cool bonus was that O tried the boogie board a few times. She swallowed a lot of water and got kind of scared, but she said she had a fun time and wanted to do it again next time :)
Then we went to Norte's in Carlsbad for dinner. A margarita and queso fundido make for a perfect end to the day! Joy and CJ joined us, and we thanked them repeatedly for their help with the girls. There is really no way we could do this without a set of grandparents only two miles away.
My arms are tired from the paddling, the girls are asleep, and I've gotten all the beach stuff cleaned up and put away - I'm pretty much ready to crash myself!
The main reason I haven't written anything is it's hard to feel like you want to write anything when things are going badly. I know we have people who are concerned and praying for us, and it probably would be a good thing to open up about the tough stuff, but I just couldn't get motivated to do it.
O is definitely the leader in what is currently going on in our household, but L is good at copying whatever O does, so she plays right along, too. So both girls have been asking a lot if we are planning on sending them away. Their prayers at night are loaded with things like "Thank you God that I didn't get sent away today..." No matter how much we assure them and love them, not much will solidify our commitment to them in their minds outside of time and repeated, consistent demonstration. So they are really pushing the boundaries - fighting, breaking things, melt-downs, name-calling, deifance, all kinds of negative behaviors. They are testing and trying to see if what we say is true. If they act out enough, will we send them away? The discipline is swift and appropriate, but it sure is tiring to be doling it out over and over and over again!
So it has been tough these past few weeks. Things seem to be getting better, but Jenetta is still pretty much frazzled by the time I get home and so very much ready for a break! I feel guilty for being at work - which has been challenging and frustrating as well for me. We need to be able to hire 2 or 3 more people, and we can barely pay my salary. So that adds to the stress as well. It's been tough. I haven't really wanted to lay that all out there for everyone. I like thinking everyone views us as super-parents or something like that... That's pretty silly, I know...
But today was sure nice...
