Update on our daughter

I wanted to thank everyone for the prayers! The support and encouragement from our friends and especially our extended family has been deeply appreciated.

We hold our breath and cross our fingers and hope that things have returned to normal with Ohana. This weekend was surprisingly good. With a birthday party and relatives at our home, we were prepared for the worst. Even with a severe allergic reaction at 4:00 in the morning and not nearly enough sleep, we didn't see the meltdowns we were expecting. It is amazing how a few good days changes your perspective on everything.

We enacted some new procedures to increase structure around the home, and that has helped. We have also developed an effective sleeping strategy. Jenetta and I take turns each night sleeping next to Ohana on the guest room bed. She still has some anxiety at night, but it has lessened, and it is easy to get her calmed back down when we are next to her. Sometimes a gentle touch on her arm is all that is needed to get her relaxed and back to sleep. So it has been better from that perspective (although we look forward to the time we can return to normal sleeping patterns!)

Ohana seems to have a real disconnect between the choices she makes and the results from those choices. She has worked through a lot of her delays, but this is a lingering one for her. In many ways, she reacts more like a 3 or 4 year old and just doesn't understand the consequences of her behaviors. We are starting a new therapy session soon, and this will be a large focus of that time.

As Ohana has matured, it has been interesting for us to hear her talk more about what she is feeling and what she has gone through. Several times over the past few days she has told people her "life story." It goes something like this...

I used to live with (bio parent's names) but they couldn't take care of me. I then went to live with Grandpa and Grandma but they couldn't take care of me either. Then I lived in five other houses. They didn't want me, but they wanted to adopt my sister because she was still a baby. Then I came to live here with my mom and dad. They can take care of me so they adopted both of us.

The details and the placement order changes somewhat each time she tells it, but it always ends the same way.

That's what we are trying our best to do... take care of them. Thank you to everyone who has been taking care of us during these difficult weeks.

Long silence

I haven't posted here in a month because I haven't had much that I felt like sharing. To be honest, things are not going well at all. They haven't been for 4 weeks, and it started getting rocky a few weeks even before then. This is not to say that we haven't experienced some good things lately: a weekend visit from Grandpa Pat and Grandma Shelley, a brief afternoon with Judy and Kyle, and even a really fun 3 hours at Sea World this past Saturday, but for the most part, things at home have been very, very difficult.

Our oldest daughter is really struggling right now. She has not handled the transition to first grade very well and is an almost constant distraction in her class. We have already had meetings with her teacher, and although we are saddened by her behavior, we are so grateful that she is in an awesome school where the class size is still only 22 students, so at least we can try new things with the teacher to help Ohana think through her choices. This all starts at home where she is not sleeping well at night. Every night she wakes up 4-6 times in various states of consciousness. Sometimes she wakes up in a panic. Sometimes she wanders the house crying and upset but completely asleep. I have looked in on her and while asleep, she is waving her arms and legs wildly in bed. It is clear that she is experiencing a great deal of anxiety at night. Unfortunately, this carries over to the day and basically, if anything does not go her way (which unfortunately happens in life all the time), we are seeing the kind of temper tantrums we saw when she was four - throwing herself on the ground, screaming and banging walls, etc. Something as routine as "put away your shoes and your backpack" can turn into a huge meltdown.

This anxiety is causing her to be out of control at school and a distraction to other kids. It has brought up a lot of strange and sad behaviors both at school and at home. She is chewing her hair and pulling out clumps of it. We have had to take away the pink comforter on her bed because she tore it open and pulled out wads of stuffing. The only thing that seems to calm her down is lots of physical activity, so I've been taking her running again (sometimes in the middle of the night if necessary). Yesterday afternoon she wanted to run to grandma's house, so we ran almost two miles to her home (and got a car ride back). We are trying to take things one day at a time, but it is difficult not to envision her as a teenager out of control and making choices that have lifelong consequences or even to hurt herself.

We are both exhausted because we haven't slept well in weeks, and we are both feeling the effects of the constant stress of this. It is affecting Lynn as well. She has talked about how Ohana is making her sad, or how her crying hurts her ears, and Lynn has reverted back to having multiple accidents. We have had to move Lynn to the guest room at night so she can get enough rest at night. So we are all affected by this.

We've looked at medical reasons, dietary reasons and psychological reasons for this in our search to find help wherever we can. One of the things that is so heartbreaking is that in Ohana's more focused moments, she describes what is going on with her as "something wrong inside her brain." And she prays a lot that God would take away whatever is in her brain that makes her afraid or worried.

Things are hard for me at work. I find myself greatly saddened by all this and have been brought to tears by the pain and exhaustion of it all. Fortunately, I can close my office door and have privacy when moments like this come.

So we would appreciate your prayers in this as we take it one day at a time. We know that we do not have to worry about problems that may come up in the future - we only have to deal with what we are facing today. Things are very hard for us right now.

Building community due to power outage

Yesterday we had an interesting experience. I was looking forward to an evening on the couch first to hear what the president had to say about jobs and then watching a good football game. But at 3:40, our entire county lost power. It had been in the upper 90s, so the house quickly got too hot.

So we headed outside to beat the heat, and interestingly enough, all of our neighbors did as well. The kids played outside until it got too dark to see, we enjoyed a picnic dinner on our lawn, and we chatted with neighbors and shared melting popsicles as we watched the kids on their bikes.

We've lived on this street for 9 years now, and I think I spoke more last night with some of my neighbors than I ever had before.

After we put the kids to bed, we noticed the moon was pretty bright, so Jenetta and I sat on the back deck and just talked for two hours. It was great!

Without TV or the internet to distract us or feed that sense of "connection," we got it for real - the way people have for hundreds and thousands of years, and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Maybe the power should go out more often!

Golf Camp

A number of foster and adopted kids from San Diego County got to participate in a golf camp at Calloway this morning. The company was so nice - the kids got golf clubs, hats, balls, and a lot of personal instruction. I think the older kids benefited from the lessons a lot more, but our girls sure had a fun time.

Farewell to Summer

The girls start school tomorrow, so we celebrated their last weekend of freedom by attending a beach party hosted by some of our friends. We've had a very mild summer, and it was actually chilly at the beach yesterday. But just hanging out and playing with the kids at the beach sure is a lot of fun.

Moonlight Beach in Encinitas is just about the perfect family beach. It has a large playground and grassy area just east of the sandy beach. But as always, just sharing time with our friends and their kids is the best part!


This picture is in here not really to illustrate anything about the party. It was more to have a picture that Ohana is embarrassed by as a teenager :) Her two front teeth are really loose and need to come out. They are are starting to push forward and she is getting that snagglepuss look.

Mt. Whitney

This week, I left Jenetta and the kids at home and adventured to the top of Mt. Whitney in the Eastern Sierra Nevada range in central California. Mt. Whitey is the tallest peak in the lower 48 states at 14,497 feet.

I made the trip with my friend Craig Rodriguez and some of his co-workers in Phoenix. Other than Craig, I was a stranger to them at first, but a trip like that builds bonds quickly, and I look forward to seeing them all again soon. (In fact, the couple in our group, Jeff and Grace Yates, will be in San Diego in two weeks for a half marathon that I am also running, so we plan to get together again for that.)

The trail is surprisingly easy to hike and it is very well maintained. We saw evidence of that where a flash flood a few days before our trip washed out some water crossings, so on the way up, we had to remove our socks and shoes and roll up our pants and just cross the streams, but on the way down, these crossings had been repaired.

The big challenge is altitude. I live at about 620 feet above sea level and very rarely am above 1,000 feet. I had an altitude headache in the parking lot! The first day was strenuous, but do-able. We hiked 6 miles and gained almost 4,000 feet. We camped that night at 12,000 feet, and we all had a miserable experience. I was exhausted - I wanted to sleep so badly, but I just couldn't. Finally, at about 4 am, I drifted to sleep for about an hour. When the sun came up, we ate some breakfast and drank as much as we could. Even though I was tired and still had the headache, I felt OK enough to continue. By the time I had reached 13,700 feet, I was having trouble breathing, and I started to feel slightly nauseous. I was not able to eat much of my snack at that point. But we were less than 3 miles from the summit and only had another 700 feet to gain, so I felt OK to continue.

When we made it to the summit, I was starting to feel that I had made the wrong decision. I was tired and having trouble breathing, but the big worry was the nausea and light-headedness. I can honestly say that I enjoyed this peak less than any other peak I have been on. We did a few photos, I tried to eat a bit but couldn't, and I called home to talk to Jenetta and the girls. Then I got out of there.

By the time I made it down to 13,000 feet again, I knew I was in trouble. I had some digestive symptoms that I won't get too detailed about, I had a fever coming on, and I was getting dizzy. I knew that I needed to get down, so my new friends were very helpful and encouraging to me, and I slowly made my way back to our campsite at around 4:30. It was a 2 hour hike downhill to the next camping location, and even though both Craig and I were not feeling well at that point, the decision was made to pick up camp and head down to 10,000 feet so we could stand a better chance at recovery.

Although those 2+ hours were about the most miserable hours I've ever experienced, it was definitely the right choice. Craig and I hobbled down hill and made sure that each other was OK. I actually fell at one point and cut up my arm a bit. I started to think about those stories of survival and how thoughts of family kept people going, so although my body did not want to continue, I thought of my girls and Jenetta and continued to put one foot in front of the other. Eventually, we made it. We set up camp and tried to eat and forced ourselves to drink electrolytes and water. Then we went to bed at around 8:00. I got a good 8 hours of sleep that night and felt much, much better the next morning.

We got up on Friday and ate and drank a bit and then made our way back to the Portal store and parking lot where showers and huge breakfasts awaited us. We talked about our shared experiences and laughed together. As we drove home, we joked and talked about the next hike we might take as a group.

So there a few things I've taken away from this experience. First, I don't think I will venture much above 12,000 feet without serious elevation training. Secondly, I don't want to say never (because we met people on the trail from all over the world, and many of them were much, much older than I...), but I think I am done with Mt. Whitney. Craig and I both had a been there, done that attitude. But lastly, I experienced a bond with kind strangers that I really enjoy. I guess many of my family members have experienced this kind of thing on group trips to Israel and other places, but I really have not as an adult, and I enjoyed it a great deal.

Here are a few photos from the trip:



If you are interested in seeing videos of the trip and hearing how wimpy my voice sounds at elevation, you can watch them here:

Wednesday August 3 - Portal to Trail Camp.

Thursday August 4 - Trail Camp to Summit and then back down to Outpost Camp.

Friday August 5 - Outpost camp back to Portal.

Adventures in Ramona

This morning, we had a delightful adventure with Alana and Cris, our cousins-in-law, and their daughter Avery. We met up early at what we thought was going to be a berry picking farm outside of Ramona. Unfortunately, the farm burned in the 2007 fires and has not re-opened. So we moved on to a plan "B": we played at a park with the kids.

Cris took out the croquet set, and we enjoyed a fun (and warm) morning at the park. It is always fun to catch up with our only relatives in So Cal.

After saying our goodbyes, we drove in different directions back home. On the way out of town, we found a sign for an organic farm that had a stand open, so we decided to drive by. Just our luck, they had a u-pick strawberry patch for $1 a quart! So we called Cris and Alana and they came back to pick with us.

Then the four of us enjoyed a lunch together at Rubios before heading down the hill and going home.

We topped it off tonight with strawberry smoothies for dessert!


Not very thrilling videos, but we enjoyed picking together:

Iowa trip

We concluded our too-fast trip to Canada with a drive south and a few days spent with Joel and Emily and their kids in Orange City, Iowa. None of us had ever been there before, so it was great to see the sights and spend time with family.

Some highlights include enjoying my birthday and Joel and Emily's 9th anniversary together, eating sunflower seeds while canoeing with the kids down a river, playing PS3 with the girls, watching Emily hop around on one foot, and just enjoying watching the kids play together with their cousins.

Oh, and in case you are wondering, Ohana ran full speed into a rope fence at at the NW College football stadium and closelined her face. She is just now recovering from that burn - it was quite an injury!

Canada trip updates

It's been hard getting back to the blog. Work has been busy, there are lots of summertime chores to be done around the house, etc, etc. So when I have a few minutes, I often want to stay as far away from the computer as possible.

But I've resolved to do a few posts each day until we get caught up.

I still think back very fondly to a few weeks ago and how much we enjoyed seeing everyone on our trip. The girls talk about their cousins all the time and ask when they can play with Carson and Caleb and Megan and Dylan again. So here is an open invitation to any of our MB family - when winter time gets to be too much, just head on down here - our guest room is always available! :)

Here are a few photos from the family get-together at Oma's place, from our flight with Adam, and our time playing around with Megan and Dylan.

Family trip!

We are in the middle of an awesome trip to see family in Steinbach, MB and in Orange City, IA. It's been a lot of fun, a lot of visiting (and a lot of driving!)

The kids have had a great time, and they have enjoyed playing with cousins so much!

I'll post more later because I'm busy enjoying myself, but here is a little taste:













Thanks so much to everyone who made us feel so special! It meant a lot to me to be able to create such great memories with my children. It brought me a lot of joy to watch them enjoying some of the same activities I was doing 30 years ago!

Ohana's last day of kindergarten

We enjoyed a fun little ceremony at Ohana's school yesterday morning.

Here is a taste of it:



I missed them announcing her name - lots of parents with cameras in my way! :)



They did a few songs together as a class, but this one was the one Ohana was most proud of.

Church family camping trip

This weekend, the girls and I enjoyed our annual church camping trip held at Hurkey Creek. I could write many paragraphs about the things we did together, but I'll save it to a few highlights:

- We were able to invite our neighbor and his two kids to join us.
- Having "church" outside is always a special experience for me, and sharing it with the girls is even better.
- Playing in the creek is so much fun.
- Even though I thought I was prepared for the chilly evenings, I was definitely not prepared for 30 degrees!
- I love our church family (and our kids love our friends' kids!)
And...
- I'm glad Jenetta got a little bit of a break and a quiet house for a while.

Spring Concert at Heritage

A few evenings ago, we enjoyed the spring concert at Ohana's school. It was on a rare day where the temperatures reached the upper 90s. So the crowded gym was uncomfortably hot - especially for parents who had to arrive an hour early for practice.

Since the kindergarteners were only involved in a few songs at the beginning and again at the end, we went outside to cool off and play with Lynn. We know that we will be sitting through many, many more of these types of events! :)

We are very grateful for this school. It has provided exactly the kind of structure and discipline that Ohana needs, and it has been great to witness her development because of it.

One of the songs was a song we used to sing with my family when I was growing up :)

Ohana is not hard to spot...

Family Fun Day

Catch up day...

A few weeks ago, we enjoyed a fun afternoon at Ohana's school fund raising event. It is a lot of fun to watch her interact with her friends and to see Lynn get excited about starting kindergarten.

Each class put on a booth that featured a game or activity, so we went around the courtyard playing games and winning prizes.

The girls like getting their faces painted, so one highlight of this event is probably the best face painter we have ever seen. It was almost worth the 45 minutes we waited in line!

Easter

It has turned into our family tradition to get all fancy in our Easter clothes and take a photo in the front yard after church. Here is this year's version:



I hadn't shaved in about a month, but I agreed to do it for our photo. Bummer...


And since we went to the 3rd service today, I was able to get a good run in early this morning. For some reason, Ohana likes her stinky daddy when he comes back from a run.


Later this afternoon, we went over to Joy and CJs home for an Easter feast (and more presents for the girls. Hope your Easter was as good as ours!

Car crash

Some of you know that Jenetta and Lynn were involved in an accident on the freeway on Friday. I was working in the lab at the time and didn't have my phone with me, so I missed her phone calls and didn't find out about it until over an hour afterward. As soon as I got the message, I came home to help out and took the rest of the day off to deal with the car and insurance, etc. CHP had it towed off the freeway to the WalMart parking lot, and I waited with the car 3 hours to get it towed to the body shop.

The good thing is that they are both OK. Jenetta is still a bit shaken and sore. Lynn was probably more upset that she was going to be late to preschool than by the accident itself. She had a red mark on her chest from the seat belt, but it didn't bruise and it faded away in a few hours. Jenetta got checked out by a chiropractor just to be safe, but she is feeling better today than she did yesterday.

I am very grateful that the crash was not worse than it was. The car didn't spin out or flip over - it just slammed into the guard rail and a car in the middle lane. The engine cut out, and Jenetta was able to steer it to the median and wait for help.

Even though our Focus has over 190,000 miles on it, and we have been talking about replacing it for a while, we had hoped it would last us at least another year or so. We will find out in a couple of days if it is totaled or if the insurance will pay to repair it.