Jon and Jenetta

Update on our daughter

2011-10-24T12:00:00.001-07:00

I wanted to thank everyone for the prayers! The support and encouragement from our friends and especially our extended family has been deeply appreciated.

We hold our breath and cross our fingers and hope that things have returned to normal with Ohana. This weekend was surprisingly good. With a birthday party and relatives at our home, we were prepared for the worst. Even with a severe allergic reaction at 4:00 in the morning and not nearly enough sleep, we didn't see the meltdowns we were expecting. It is amazing how a few good days changes your perspective on everything.

We enacted some new procedures to increase structure around the home, and that has helped. We have also developed an effective sleeping strategy. Jenetta and I take turns each night sleeping next to Ohana on the guest room bed. She still has some anxiety at night, but it has lessened, and it is easy to get her calmed back down when we are next to her. Sometimes a gentle touch on her arm is all that is needed to get her relaxed and back to sleep. So it has been better from that perspective (although we look forward to the time we can return to normal sleeping patterns!)

Ohana seems to have a real disconnect between the choices she makes and the results from those choices. She has worked through a lot of her delays, but this is a lingering one for her. In many ways, she reacts more like a 3 or 4 year old and just doesn't understand the consequences of her behaviors. We are starting a new therapy session soon, and this will be a large focus of that time.

As Ohana has matured, it has been interesting for us to hear her talk more about what she is feeling and what she has gone through. Several times over the past few days she has told people her "life story." It goes something like this...

I used to live with (bio parent's names) but they couldn't take care of me. I then went to live with Grandpa and Grandma but they couldn't take care of me either. Then I lived in five other houses. They didn't want me, but they wanted to adopt my sister because she was still a baby. Then I came to live here with my mom and dad. They can take care of me so they adopted both of us.

The details and the placement order changes somewhat each time she tells it, but it always ends the same way.

That's what we are trying our best to do... take care of them. Thank you to everyone who has been taking care of us during these difficult weeks.

Long silence

2011-10-03T06:21:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted here in a month because I haven't had much that I felt like sharing. To be honest, things are not going well at all. They haven't been for 4 weeks, and it started getting rocky a few weeks even before then. This is not to say that we haven't experienced some good things lately: a weekend visit from Grandpa Pat and Grandma Shelley, a brief afternoon with Judy and Kyle, and even a really fun 3 hours at Sea World this past Saturday, but for the most part, things at home have been very, very difficult.

Our oldest daughter is really struggling right now. She has not handled the transition to first grade very well and is an almost constant distraction in her class. We have already had meetings with her teacher, and although we are saddened by her behavior, we are so grateful that she is in an awesome school where the class size is still only 22 students, so at least we can try new things with the teacher to help Ohana think through her choices. This all starts at home where she is not sleeping well at night. Every night she wakes up 4-6 times in various states of consciousness. Sometimes she wakes up in a panic. Sometimes she wanders the house crying and upset but completely asleep. I have looked in on her and while asleep, she is waving her arms and legs wildly in bed. It is clear that she is experiencing a great deal of anxiety at night. Unfortunately, this carries over to the day and basically, if anything does not go her way (which unfortunately happens in life all the time), we are seeing the kind of temper tantrums we saw when she was four - throwing herself on the ground, screaming and banging walls, etc. Something as routine as "put away your shoes and your backpack" can turn into a huge meltdown.

This anxiety is causing her to be out of control at school and a distraction to other kids. It has brought up a lot of strange and sad behaviors both at school and at home. She is chewing her hair and pulling out clumps of it. We have had to take away the pink comforter on her bed because she tore it open and pulled out wads of stuffing. The only thing that seems to calm her down is lots of physical activity, so I've been taking her running again (sometimes in the middle of the night if necessary). Yesterday afternoon she wanted to run to grandma's house, so we ran almost two miles to her home (and got a car ride back). We are trying to take things one day at a time, but it is difficult not to envision her as a teenager out of control and making choices that have lifelong consequences or even to hurt herself.

We are both exhausted because we haven't slept well in weeks, and we are both feeling the effects of the constant stress of this. It is affecting Lynn as well. She has talked about how Ohana is making her sad, or how her crying hurts her ears, and Lynn has reverted back to having multiple accidents. We have had to move Lynn to the guest room at night so she can get enough rest at night. So we are all affected by this.

We've looked at medical reasons, dietary reasons and psychological reasons for this in our search to find help wherever we can. One of the things that is so heartbreaking is that in Ohana's more focused moments, she describes what is going on with her as "something wrong inside her brain." And she prays a lot that God would take away whatever is in her brain that makes her afraid or worried.

Things are hard for me at work. I find myself greatly saddened by all this and have been brought to tears by the pain and exhaustion of it all. Fortunately, I can close my office door and have privacy when moments like this come.

So we would appreciate your prayers in this as we take it one day at a time. We know that we do not have to worry about problems that may come up in the future - we only have to deal with what we are facing today. Things are very hard for us right now.

Building community due to power outage

2011-09-09T07:11:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we had an interesting experience. I was looking forward to an evening on the couch first to hear what the president had to say about jobs and then watching a good football game. But at 3:40, our entire county lost power. It had been in the upper 90s, so the house quickly got too hot.

So we headed outside to beat the heat, and interestingly enough, all of our neighbors did as well. The kids played outside until it got too dark to see, we enjoyed a picnic dinner on our lawn, and we chatted with neighbors and shared melting popsicles as we watched the kids on their bikes.

We've lived on this street for 9 years now, and I think I spoke more last night with some of my neighbors than I ever had before.

After we put the kids to bed, we noticed the moon was pretty bright, so Jenetta and I sat on the back deck and just talked for two hours. It was great!

Without TV or the internet to distract us or feed that sense of "connection," we got it for real - the way people have for hundreds and thousands of years, and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Maybe the power should go out more often!

Golf Camp

2011-08-20T17:27:00.000-07:00

A number of foster and adopted kids from San Diego County got to participate in a golf camp at Calloway this morning. The company was so nice - the kids got golf clubs, hats, balls, and a lot of personal instruction. I think the older kids benefited from the lessons a lot more, but our girls sure had a fun time.

Farewell to Summer

2011-08-14T15:42:00.001-07:00

The girls start school tomorrow, so we celebrated their last weekend of freedom by attending a beach party hosted by some of our friends. We've had a very mild summer, and it was actually chilly at the beach yesterday. But just hanging out and playing with the kids at the beach sure is a lot of fun.

Moonlight Beach in Encinitas is just about the perfect family beach. It has a large playground and grassy area just east of the sandy beach. But as always, just sharing time with our friends and their kids is the best part!

This picture is in here not really to illustrate anything about the party. It was more to have a picture that Ohana is embarrassed by as a teenager :) Her two front teeth are really loose and need to come out. They are are starting to push forward and she is getting that snagglepuss look.

Mt. Whitney

2011-08-07T12:44:00.000-07:00

This week, I left Jenetta and the kids at home and adventured to the top of Mt. Whitney in the Eastern Sierra Nevada range in central California. Mt. Whitey is the tallest peak in the lower 48 states at 14,497 feet.

I made the trip with my friend Craig Rodriguez and some of his co-workers in Phoenix. Other than Craig, I was a stranger to them at first, but a trip like that builds bonds quickly, and I look forward to seeing them all again soon. (In fact, the couple in our group, Jeff and Grace Yates, will be in San Diego in two weeks for a half marathon that I am also running, so we plan to get together again for that.)

The trail is surprisingly easy to hike and it is very well maintained. We saw evidence of that where a flash flood a few days before our trip washed out some water crossings, so on the way up, we had to remove our socks and shoes and roll up our pants and just cross the streams, but on the way down, these crossings had been repaired.

The big challenge is altitude. I live at about 620 feet above sea level and very rarely am above 1,000 feet. I had an altitude headache in the parking lot! The first day was strenuous, but do-able. We hiked 6 miles and gained almost 4,000 feet. We camped that night at 12,000 feet, and we all had a miserable experience. I was exhausted - I wanted to sleep so badly, but I just couldn't. Finally, at about 4 am, I drifted to sleep for about an hour. When the sun came up, we ate some breakfast and drank as much as we could. Even though I was tired and still had the headache, I felt OK enough to continue. By the time I had reached 13,700 feet, I was having trouble breathing, and I started to feel slightly nauseous. I was not able to eat much of my snack at that point. But we were less than 3 miles from the summit and only had another 700 feet to gain, so I felt OK to continue.

When we made it to the summit, I was starting to feel that I had made the wrong decision. I was tired and having trouble breathing, but the big worry was the nausea and light-headedness. I can honestly say that I enjoyed this peak less than any other peak I have been on. We did a few photos, I tried to eat a bit but couldn't, and I called home to talk to Jenetta and the girls. Then I got out of there.

By the time I made it down to 13,000 feet again, I knew I was in trouble. I had some digestive symptoms that I won't get too detailed about, I had a fever coming on, and I was getting dizzy. I knew that I needed to get down, so my new friends were very helpful and encouraging to me, and I slowly made my way back to our campsite at around 4:30. It was a 2 hour hike downhill to the next camping location, and even though both Craig and I were not feeling well at that point, the decision was made to pick up camp and head down to 10,000 feet so we could stand a better chance at recovery.

Although those 2+ hours were about the most miserable hours I've ever experienced, it was definitely the right choice. Craig and I hobbled down hill and made sure that each other was OK. I actually fell at one point and cut up my arm a bit. I started to think about those stories of survival and how thoughts of family kept people going, so although my body did not want to continue, I thought of my girls and Jenetta and continued to put one foot in front of the other. Eventually, we made it. We set up camp and tried to eat and forced ourselves to drink electrolytes and water. Then we went to bed at around 8:00. I got a good 8 hours of sleep that night and felt much, much better the next morning.

We got up on Friday and ate and drank a bit and then made our way back to the Portal store and parking lot where showers and huge breakfasts awaited us. We talked about our shared experiences and laughed together. As we drove home, we joked and talked about the next hike we might take as a group.

So there a few things I've taken away from this experience. First, I don't think I will venture much above 12,000 feet without serious elevation training. Secondly, I don't want to say never (because we met people on the trail from all over the world, and many of them were much, much older than I...), but I think I am done with Mt. Whitney. Craig and I both had a been there, done that attitude. But lastly, I experienced a bond with kind strangers that I really enjoy. I guess many of my family members have experienced this kind of thing on group trips to Israel and other places, but I really have not as an adult, and I enjoyed it a great deal.

Here are a few photos from the trip:

If you are interested in seeing videos of the trip and hearing how wimpy my voice sounds at elevation, you can watch them here:

Wednesday August 3 - Portal to Trail Camp.

Thursday August 4 - Trail Camp to Summit and then back down to Outpost Camp.

Friday August 5 - Outpost camp back to Portal.

Adventures in Ramona

2011-07-30T19:40:00.000-07:00

This morning, we had a delightful adventure with Alana and Cris, our cousins-in-law, and their daughter Avery. We met up early at what we thought was going to be a berry picking farm outside of Ramona. Unfortunately, the farm burned in the 2007 fires and has not re-opened. So we moved on to a plan "B": we played at a park with the kids.

Cris took out the croquet set, and we enjoyed a fun (and warm) morning at the park. It is always fun to catch up with our only relatives in So Cal.

After saying our goodbyes, we drove in different directions back home. On the way out of town, we found a sign for an organic farm that had a stand open, so we decided to drive by. Just our luck, they had a u-pick strawberry patch for $1 a quart! So we called Cris and Alana and they came back to pick with us.

Then the four of us enjoyed a lunch together at Rubios before heading down the hill and going home.

We topped it off tonight with strawberry smoothies for dessert!

Not very thrilling videos, but we enjoyed picking together:

Iowa trip

2011-06-20T19:24:00.000-07:00

We concluded our too-fast trip to Canada with a drive south and a few days spent with Joel and Emily and their kids in Orange City, Iowa. None of us had ever been there before, so it was great to see the sights and spend time with family.

Some highlights include enjoying my birthday and Joel and Emily's 9th anniversary together, eating sunflower seeds while canoeing with the kids down a river, playing PS3 with the girls, watching Emily hop around on one foot, and just enjoying watching the kids play together with their cousins.

Oh, and in case you are wondering, Ohana ran full speed into a rope fence at at the NW College football stadium and closelined her face. She is just now recovering from that burn - it was quite an injury!

Canada trip updates

2011-06-19T13:57:00.000-07:00

It's been hard getting back to the blog. Work has been busy, there are lots of summertime chores to be done around the house, etc, etc. So when I have a few minutes, I often want to stay as far away from the computer as possible.

But I've resolved to do a few posts each day until we get caught up.

I still think back very fondly to a few weeks ago and how much we enjoyed seeing everyone on our trip. The girls talk about their cousins all the time and ask when they can play with Carson and Caleb and Megan and Dylan again. So here is an open invitation to any of our MB family - when winter time gets to be too much, just head on down here - our guest room is always available! :)

Here are a few photos from the family get-together at Oma's place, from our flight with Adam, and our time playing around with Megan and Dylan.

Family trip!

2011-05-31T08:51:00.000-07:00

We are in the middle of an awesome trip to see family in Steinbach, MB and in Orange City, IA. It's been a lot of fun, a lot of visiting (and a lot of driving!)

The kids have had a great time, and they have enjoyed playing with cousins so much!

I'll post more later because I'm busy enjoying myself, but here is a little taste:

Thanks so much to everyone who made us feel so special! It meant a lot to me to be able to create such great memories with my children. It brought me a lot of joy to watch them enjoying some of the same activities I was doing 30 years ago!

Ohana's last day of kindergarten

2011-05-21T14:16:00.000-07:00

We enjoyed a fun little ceremony at Ohana's school yesterday morning.

Here is a taste of it:

I missed them announcing her name - lots of parents with cameras in my way! :)

They did a few songs together as a class, but this one was the one Ohana was most proud of.

Church family camping trip

2011-05-15T18:55:00.000-07:00

This weekend, the girls and I enjoyed our annual church camping trip held at Hurkey Creek. I could write many paragraphs about the things we did together, but I'll save it to a few highlights:

- We were able to invite our neighbor and his two kids to join us.
- Having "church" outside is always a special experience for me, and sharing it with the girls is even better.
- Playing in the creek is so much fun.
- Even though I thought I was prepared for the chilly evenings, I was definitely not prepared for 30 degrees!
- I love our church family (and our kids love our friends' kids!)
And...
- I'm glad Jenetta got a little bit of a break and a quiet house for a while.

Spring Concert at Heritage

2011-05-15T18:39:00.001-07:00

A few evenings ago, we enjoyed the spring concert at Ohana's school. It was on a rare day where the temperatures reached the upper 90s. So the crowded gym was uncomfortably hot - especially for parents who had to arrive an hour early for practice.

Since the kindergarteners were only involved in a few songs at the beginning and again at the end, we went outside to cool off and play with Lynn. We know that we will be sitting through many, many more of these types of events! :)

We are very grateful for this school. It has provided exactly the kind of structure and discipline that Ohana needs, and it has been great to witness her development because of it.

One of the songs was a song we used to sing with my family when I was growing up :)

Ohana is not hard to spot...

Family Fun Day

2011-05-15T16:15:00.000-07:00

Catch up day...

A few weeks ago, we enjoyed a fun afternoon at Ohana's school fund raising event. It is a lot of fun to watch her interact with her friends and to see Lynn get excited about starting kindergarten.

Each class put on a booth that featured a game or activity, so we went around the courtyard playing games and winning prizes.

The girls like getting their faces painted, so one highlight of this event is probably the best face painter we have ever seen. It was almost worth the 45 minutes we waited in line!

Easter

2011-04-24T21:12:00.000-07:00

It has turned into our family tradition to get all fancy in our Easter clothes and take a photo in the front yard after church. Here is this year's version:

I hadn't shaved in about a month, but I agreed to do it for our photo. Bummer...

And since we went to the 3rd service today, I was able to get a good run in early this morning. For some reason, Ohana likes her stinky daddy when he comes back from a run.

Later this afternoon, we went over to Joy and CJs home for an Easter feast (and more presents for the girls. Hope your Easter was as good as ours!

Car crash

2011-04-17T12:24:00.000-07:00

Some of you know that Jenetta and Lynn were involved in an accident on the freeway on Friday. I was working in the lab at the time and didn't have my phone with me, so I missed her phone calls and didn't find out about it until over an hour afterward. As soon as I got the message, I came home to help out and took the rest of the day off to deal with the car and insurance, etc. CHP had it towed off the freeway to the WalMart parking lot, and I waited with the car 3 hours to get it towed to the body shop.

The good thing is that they are both OK. Jenetta is still a bit shaken and sore. Lynn was probably more upset that she was going to be late to preschool than by the accident itself. She had a red mark on her chest from the seat belt, but it didn't bruise and it faded away in a few hours. Jenetta got checked out by a chiropractor just to be safe, but she is feeling better today than she did yesterday.

I am very grateful that the crash was not worse than it was. The car didn't spin out or flip over - it just slammed into the guard rail and a car in the middle lane. The engine cut out, and Jenetta was able to steer it to the median and wait for help.

Even though our Focus has over 190,000 miles on it, and we have been talking about replacing it for a while, we had hoped it would last us at least another year or so. We will find out in a couple of days if it is totaled or if the insurance will pay to repair it.

Ice Skating

2011-03-05T20:19:00.000-08:00

O's school had a fun Saturday activity tonight. They reserved the whole rink at the Escondido Iceoplex. We'd talked about taking the girls skating for some time now, but never gotten around to it. They had a blast!

We quickly learned that the EZ skaters (PVC walkers really) were the way to go. They gained a lot of confidence that way and had a lot more fun than when I was just holding onto them.

Jenetta and I have a date night tomorrow night, so the girls are going to grandma's, and already they are asking if grandma can take them skating! :)

Another fun Sunday outing

2011-02-27T19:09:00.000-08:00

This afternoon, we met up with the Crockett family and enjoyed a fun hike to see the waterfall in Westwood. I knew it would be muddy, so we went through the shoe pile to pick old shoes that they didn't wear anymore. So glad I took the time to do that - I've learned a trick or two about this daddy thing! :)

Sorry about the wind at the top of one of the peaks and the poor audio quality, but the snow on Palomar Mountain and the kids playing around made it something I wanted to share...

Torrey Pines Hike

2011-02-25T05:45:00.000-08:00

A few weeks ago, the girls and I gave mommy a shopping break and we went hiking at Torrey Pines. If I had planned better, we would have had more time to climb the bluffs, but the girls were super excited to explore there, so I'm certain we will go back soon.

O got those sunglasses from Abby's 3rd birthday party. Anything Strawberry Shortcake is a big hit in our home!

Palomar Photos

2011-02-24T05:30:00.000-08:00

Last Sunday we drove up to Palomar Mtn to play in the snow (with about 200 other families) :)

Other than Jenetta getting a bit car sick on the trip up, we had a really nice time as a family together. We filled up the cooler with snow to bring home with us - it didn't last very long back here :)

Learning to Read

2011-02-23T05:09:00.000-08:00

It is really fun to watch the girls learn and grow. O gets the idea of reading now and knows about 100 sight words. The other night, she asked to read the prayer at the end of the daily devotions.

We have been blessed with a few weeks of really great behavior, so that has been SO GOOD!!! :)

Battle Mountain Hike

2011-02-09T15:52:00.000-08:00

I'd forgotten that I had some photos on my phone from a hike up Battle Mtn with Rob and Jaedyn last Saturday. It was a short hike, but very steep and slippery in some spots! L had been asking for a long time to climb up and see the cross on the top of the hill. She was convinced that it was probably as tall as me.

L blazing a trail - she was determined to get up there first to see the cross.

I'm pretty sure in this last picture that Jaedyn is thinking - "why are these girls hanging all over me?" But it comes across as very James Dean - too cool for school! :)

And for those of you that have been praying for us lately, thank you! We have had two good days with O - what a relief! She is seemingly back to her old loving (and only slightly out of control) self.

O's broken arm and other stuff

2011-02-06T21:09:00.000-08:00

This is for you, Judy...

I haven't posted in a while mostly because I've been tired. A quick facebook post is about all I can muster up most days.

Work is good, but it has been challenging lately as we have a lot of projects all going on at the same time. All of them require a good deal of focused attention from me, and I am still struggling with the technological learning curve. So I come home exhausted in time for a late dinner, but the girls to bed, read a bit, maybe watch some TV and relax a bit, and then start it all over again the next day.

Don't get me wrong... I am really grateful for the work opportunity (and how it is providing for my family). This is just one of the trade-offs in switching to the stability of a corporate gig. I miss the flexibility I once had - it is hard to find time to run, and I haven't surfed in over a month. But I am willing to make this sacrifice for our family.

Although I am tired tonight, my sister bugged me to do some writing, so there have been some things that have gone on in our lives the past few weeks that I'll share with you.

First, two weeks ago, O fell and broke her arm. That was quite an ordeal! We were having a picnic lunch after church with some friends and the girls went down to the playground to have some fun after lunch. O really enjoys the zip line, so she asked me to come down and help her out. So I gave her a slight push and she slid down the line. But instead of holding on and sliding back to me like she normally does, she had trouble holding on and she fell on her wrist. She was screaming so much that we wondered if it was something serious. To be honest, when she gets hurt, it is a pretty major production and attention grabbing opportunity for her, so we never know how serious it actually is. But as she kept crying, we decided to take her to urgent care to get it checked out.

Jenetta took L home for a nap and I took O in the car to urgent care. What made it really clear to me that she was in real pain was that she fell asleep in the car for the 10 minute drive, and when I tried to wake her up in the parking lot, just unbuckling her seat belt made her wake up and start screaming again. It's hard to watch your kid hurting...

Then we went through the ridiculous process of finding out where we can take the girls in an emergency. I took her to the same urgent care that I went to a few years back when I ran my thumb into the table saw blade. We tried to fill out the paperwork, but they told me they did not admit children on our insurance plan. So then I took her to a children's urgent care about another 10 minutes away. This one was packed! There were so many people in there with sick babies that there was no place to sit. I found a place on the floor and held O on my lap as I started filling out more paperwork. Although it was frustrating at the time, I am really grateful for the nurses who told me that if I thought my daughter would need an x-ray, we should take her to Children's hospital because they didn't even have an x-ray machine there and we were 28th in line.

So I went home to be with L and Jenetta came and got O and took her to Rady Children's hospital down in the city, where thankfully, there was only one other family waiting there. They came back much sooner than we expected with O's arm in a sling and confirmation that she had broken her arm and would get it cast the next day. Her cast color matches her school uniform: :)

Later that night, I went with some friends to see Guster in concert. I just love live music. I wish it fit in our budget to go to shows a lot more. This time, I tried out the balcony seating. After the crazy day we had, it was good to just sit and enjoy a show, although you do miss out on some of the energy of the crowd when you watch from above at HOB. Still, it was a great show! Here is one of the videos that I shot.

Because Jenetta's business did really well over the Holidays and because I have been able to work some overtime, it has been a real blessing to save some extra money when we could. I put enough away to be able to get Jenetta a new computer. Since she is on it every day for work, and her old one is so ridiculously slow, it was great to get her a super-fast new one (and to pay cash for it!) So last weekend, we spent a lot of our time cleaning up the office, removing the old computer and setting up the new one.

This latest weekend proved to be very challenging because of behavior. Both of our girls are really struggling with lying right now, and it is very tough to deal with that over and over again. Because they are little, it is completely obvious that they are lying, and they don't do a very good job of covering up their transgressions. But this has led to a lot of punishment, and O is taking new tactics this time that while ridiculous, are wearing us down and have us very concerned for her again.

We seem to go through phases where things get really bad, and we have to take away privileges and make them lead a very boring existence. They seem to get the message and behaviors change, and so gradually, we are able to give them freedoms and privileges back (things like TV or playing with friends, etc.) Then a few months later, things get crazy again, and we have to ratchet up the strict discipline again. It is sad not to be able to trust your kids. Well, to qualify that, it is sad to always trust that one of your children is going to make the wrong choice as soon as she is out of sight.

Anyway, we are in one of those bad phases again, and O seems to be able to think more clearly and express her dislike for her situation. She said something this afternoon that really is key regarding her thought process. When I explained that when you take things you are not supposed to and leave evidence behind, it is pretty obvious what choices you are making - mommy isn't dumb, after all... to which O replied " of course she is!" She has been saying things like she wants to go live with someone else or that we should just leave her behind somewhere or just say how angry she is with us and that it doesn't matter that she broke the rules - it is all on us for enforcing them.

With prayer and persistence, we will get through this rough patch. But it certainly is exhausting. (Although no where near as bad as it was two years ago, for that we are very thankful!)

Finally I will conclude with the thought that although I enjoyed the mini-break this afternoon to watch the Super Bowl with friends, I don't really care for The Black Eyed Peas. Non-stop Auto-Tune? Really???

This is your cranky old man, signing off. Until next time, stay off my lawn!

Our Adoption Story

2011-01-04T10:26:00.000-08:00

Some of you have seen this through the Facebook post, but just in case...

Our adoption story was featured on Adopt 8 - a weekly segment about adoption in San Diego county. It is our hope to encourage others to consider the helping to be the solution for children in our community.

Welcome 2011

2010-12-31T20:40:00.000-08:00

2010 was a year of great challenges and great blessings!

Right now, I am enjoying the tail-end of a family get-together in Oceanside. Surfing with my brother and brother-in-law, walking with the kids on the beach, celebrating each other's company and so much more - it has been a great way to end the year!

L's 5th birthday

2010-12-11T19:28:00.001-08:00

Our little one turned 5 on Monday, but we decided to have her party today. It was beautiful outside today, so mostly the kids played outside in the yard. (I spent all morning cleaning the house and didn't think to clean off the deck or even pick up the dog poop - oh well!)

L had a Raggedy Ann-themed party, and Jenetta even dressed the part (thanks to a costume provided to us by Aunt Barb.)

Everyone had a lot of fun. Happy birthday, baby!

This is a long video as Jenetta reads everyone a story, and I'm bummed that I turned off the video recorder just before L gave Jenetta a big hug and told her she loved her. (It's recorded in my mind forever!)

Christmas Concert

2010-12-11T12:46:00.000-08:00

We have quickly come to another era in our lives - attending functions at our kids schools. I don't know how many of you know this, but Jenetta is no longer homeschooling O. We finally got a place at the charter school where we really hoped she could attend. So either we made the switch mid-year or it wouldn't probably ever happen. There is a person at my work who waited three years to get his daughter into this school, so we jumped at the chance.

The transition has been mostly good for O. She is very tired from 5 day a week all day kindergarten, and she is definitely behind the others in her class (most of them can read already). But she is learning quickly and has adjusted well.

One thing we really like about this school is that it emphasizes traditional values. The academics are rigorous, (who ever heard of homework for kindergartners???) as are the expectations for parents. But we are ok with all these things because we believe it is the best learning environment for our girl. So, with the traditional values focus, it was very nice to attend a Christmas concert that had a nice mix of holiday songs with Christmas carols and hymns. I think that is probably a rare thing in public schools these days.

O is kind of hard to spot - it was a big crowd of kids, but her class comes in last and you can find her to the left of the bass player.

And L got to get dressed up as well - she made a friend in the audience and acquired her toys :).

Oceanside Turkey Trot

2010-11-26T10:23:00.000-08:00

Yesterday before the feast at Jenetta's mom's house, we took a family trip to Oceanside for a Turkey Trot. I actually started the morning by going first for the 5-mile race that started at 7:00. Then I came back home to interrupt Jenetta's cooking and take the family back to Oceanside for the kids race. O enjoyed it a lot and L has decided she wants to do it next year.

Halloween

2010-11-01T08:41:00.001-07:00

This year, O wanted to be Cinderella, and L wanted to wear the Tigger costume we've had for a while (still a bit big on her). We got all ready and then headed out to show the neighbors the costumes.

Then we spent about an hour at a nearby Baptist church for a Halloween party complete with tractor rides, games, crafts, and a jumpee (with lots of candy, of course).

Probably the highlight for O was a huge maze made out of big cardboard boxes. It filled an entire room and probably had 150 boxes put together with zip ties. What an awesome idea!

Then we went to Chilli's for kids eat free night and then to grandma and grandpa's to show them the costumes before going home to wash off what was left of the tigger makekup :)

O's 6th birthday

2010-10-24T16:35:00.000-07:00

O's 6th birthday was on Friday, but we were able to celebrate her party today. Jenetta made a cat shaped cake and we had cat-themed games and crafts. It was a lot of fun.

The bubble wrap was for a "cat walk" game - try to get across the floor with minimal popping by being cat-like. Madeline from across the street was the winner, hands-down.

Awana

2010-10-19T08:50:00.000-07:00

A few weeks back, the girls started attending Awana on Thursday nights. It is held at a Baptist church in Escondido, and surprisingly, there are a number of families from our church that send our kids there.

The girls have lots of fun with their friends, and it has been neat to see O memorizing bible verses. I like that the first one they taught them was Ephesians 6:1. Yes!

She is working on John 3:16 now...

Arizona Weekend

2010-10-11T09:11:00.001-07:00

We drove to Arizona this weekend to spend time with family and friends and to attend Jon's 20th high school reunion.

We arrived on Friday evening to a warm welcome at Grandpa Pat and Grandma Shelley's home. They even had a birthday cake for Jenetta and O! They also have a chihuahua named Suzy that our girls can't get enough of - Miranda just doesn't let anyone pick her up! :)

This video was taken by O. She asks to use the camcorder all the time!

On Saturday morning, we went to a pumpkin patch and had a lot of fun. The girls played with livestock, rode on a tractor ride, jumped in a bouncy for a long time, and generally had a great time running around checking things out.

The corn maze was a bit much. It was hot and challenging and confusing - so we started to bicker and get frustrated. It's just further evidence to us that we would be terrible as contestants on The Amazing Race! Later, the girls and I went in a "mini maze." That was a lot better for us (since you couldn't get lost!)

Did we mention it is really hot in Phoenix?

Later that afternoon, we visited with Jenetta's grandparents, and Super-Grandma Carolyn took the girls out for a ride on her golf cart.

Later on Saturday night, we left the girls with the grandparents and we went to the Peoria HS class of 1990 reunion. I had a lot of fun - it was good to see old friends. I had really hoped that more of my old gang of 6 guys would have been there - but John, John, and I had a nice evening together nonetheless. It was interesting to see how some things had really, really changed, but in lots of ways, many things were exactly the same.

This is Cody Bailey - Jenetta went to prom with him! :)

Then on Sunday we drove over to Wendy and Craig's home to hang out with them. Our girls really love their kids, and it would be awesome if they could play together more frequently! :) Craig and Christopher took me to the Cardinals-Saints game. I had never been to the new stadium. It was quite an experience. The Cardinals won 30-20 due in part to a very impressive defensive performance. Drew Brees threw two really critical interceptions, and the large contingent of Saints' fans left feeling sad.

Here are two videos I took at the game. The first is of the Saints scoring a 4th quarter touchdown. Brees is getting sacked and he still throws the ball 40+ yards for a touchdown There were a lot of Saints fans in our area, and I've also realized that our camcorder does awesome HD videos, but when you post them online to the blog, they are definitely not HD anymore.

And granted, this last one is kind of lame, but I post it because being with my friend Craig makes me laugh. He says the silliest things! It is just fun hanging around him! I am really grateful that he offered to take me along with Christopher to the game. Hopefully, I can repay the favor with Charger's game someday...

in case you don't catch it, he says "Lot's of popcorn... popcorn good... it's been good to us."

Freebie Day

2010-09-26T08:24:00.000-07:00

In looking for somethings to do yesterday, we took advantage of Smithsonian Museum Day. Hundreds of museums across the U.S. had free admission yesterday, so we decided to take our girls to the Museum of Making Music in Carlsbad.

It was a lot of fun, and they had displays of a lot of really interesting instruments and musical history. The girls did a scavenger hunt and were awarded a prize at the end.

Then we checked out Art Splash in Carlsbad. Artists were doing really cool chalk art in the street. The girls enjoyed looking at grownups doing what they do in our driveway all the time!

We returned home for lunch and naptime. I enjoyed watching the Padres win in the bottom of the 9th inning (one of the few Saturday games we get to watch free on Channel 5).

Then we all had free tacos at Wahoos Fish Tacos for dinner! After letting the girls run around at a nearby park for a while, we headed back home - but not before picking up buy one get one free banana splits for dessert!

Sometimes it is pretty cool being married to someone who knows about deals!

Here are some videos from the museum:

And this is when we were leaving. They got their prizes and immediately began playing "Jesus Loves Me" on their kazoos. This video was taken when that was still cute. 30 minutes later, it didn't seem so cute anymore! :)

Uncle Kyle!

2010-09-20T20:03:00.000-07:00

(and Auntie Alana and Avery, too!)...

We had an unexpected treat yesterday! My brother in law Kyle Johnstone was returning from a trip to Ensenada doing volunteer building with a team from his work in Calgary. He had a few hours free when getting back across the border, so we went down to Balboa Park to spend an afternoon with him. His cousin Alana was available to visit as well, so we had a nice time chatting and playing with the kids.

Later that evening, we went to Coronado and had dinner together. Our girls love Kyle (and Judy, too...) so much! It's too bad they don't live closer! We are sure looking forward to the Christmas get-together!

L sure wanted to climb the tree like her sister, but once she got up there, she wasn't so sure about it! :)

First day of school

2010-08-30T10:15:00.000-07:00

We had an interesting turn of events this week. We had planned to fully homeschool O for kindergarten, but an opening came up at a charter school for homeschool families. We got a last minute call that there was a space for her, so O will be attending a full day kindergarten two days each week and be home with Jenetta for the other three.

I drove her this morning and Jenetta took L to preschool. I was stressed because traffic was really bad and we didn't take the optimal route, so we missed all the opening events with all the kids at the flagpole. I had to call Jenetta to figure out what class to take O to, but we found it ok and got her all settled in. The teacher called her by name and asked her to sit near her on the floor. All the parents had their cameras out, and I found a comfortable place against the back wall to watch. I was there probably for 30 seconds when the teacher said "Alright, time to say goodbye to the parents!" Immediately O yells out "goodbye,daddy!" She was certainly ready to jump in!

We've had a lot of firsts in the past 17 months. I know every parent feels that their kids grow up so quickly. But cut me some slack - we've been on a slightly accelerated pace! :)

It has surprised me how emotional I am about this today. One day at a time, right? It's not like she's learning to drive or graduating college or walking down the aisle. But I feel as though I can see those things coming! O is ready to take on the world!

Jenetta's New Vlogging Experiment

2010-08-19T15:44:00.000-07:00

So as most of you know Jenetta runs Frugal Freebies and Deals. Well in addition to the blog she is experimenting with vlogging and we would love for all of you to check out her you tube channel.

One of the latest is on making homemade vanilla. Let us know if there are any topics you would like her to record a video on.

New Job

2010-08-06T21:04:00.000-07:00

Some of you already know this, but for those who do not, August 16 will be my last day at Innovative Body Science. I like the people there, and the work was tolerable (if not always interesting to me), but I will be moving to a new position on the 17th that I am very excited about.

I did probably 40 interviews during my period of unemployment. One of the companies I interviewed with was more of a "courtesy interview." The CEO of this company is the father of one of my friends, and he knew I was struggling. He was actually assisting me in getting an interview at a company where he used to work. When it became apparent that this wasn't going to happen, he suggested that I come in to talk with him personally. I was shown around, and they were all very polite, but it was pretty clear at the time that there really wasn't a place for me there.

I was very upfront with my current employer that although I wasn't actively looking for another job, if something came up from one of my past interviews that paid better, I would have to go for it. Well, in late June, I was contacted again, and after a lengthy phone interview and 5 hours of interviewing with 4 people, I was offered a position. My current employer has been understanding and supportive (but understandably disappointed) through all this. I actually could have made the switch last week, but I wanted to stay on and cover for my supervisor who leaves on vacation this weekend. I felt that doing something in their best interest and asking my new employer to be patient was warranted under the circumstances.

Even though my time at Innovative Body Science was short (just over three months), and they paid me a salary about in line with what I was earning 10 years ago, I am very grateful to them for two key things. First, they gave me a job when we really needed it. Our retirement was cashed out, we were in serious debt, and we were faced with having no money available to pay our mortgage. We were planning on skipping upcoming mortgage payments. But just in time, I got hired and we were able to make it. I know God is behind this, and we thank Him for it over and over. He provided for all our needs and helped to relieve our stress when it seemed too much to bear.

They also gave me an emotional boost by hiring me when it seemed that no one else would. I must have put out 400+ applications, and the constant rejection and stress was really weighing on me. What seemed to be the worst was when I would interview and be told "we'll get back to you..." and then NOTHING!!! This happened a lot, and surprisingly, even after multiple interviews with other staff members at a business, I would still not hear anything back. That just seems so foreign to me! I can understand when I am one of 1000 online applications, but when I am one of 2 or 3 to be called back in for a second interview, you think they would have the courtesy to at least email or text me saying "No thanks..."

I was starting to doubt whether or not I would ever be able to provide for my family. I was wondering if maybe my background was so weird and scattered that I would never be worth anything more than an entry-level job. My confidence was at an all-time low. But then I got hired and was asked to produce immediately in a field I had zero experience in. There are a few things I do not appreciate about my current job, but I am grateful for it all the same.

My new job is with a company called TrellisWare. They make communications equipment for military and emergency services applications. Their engineers have designed hardware and software for streaming voice, data, and video in applications that some do not feel is possible to even achieve. I am very excited about the opportunity ahead of me. Everyone I've met there has been very welcoming and encouraging. You can definitely tell that they have assembled a winning team, and I'm honored to be a part of it.

I will be supporting the development of a logistics/operations department. The company is growing and the need for this type of support is becoming more apparent. That being said, the company is small enough that there really isn't an upper management position directly over me, so if I am successful there, it is clear that there will be substantial opportunities for me to grow with the company.

There are other perks that go along with this job. The company is located next door to where I used to work at Sony, so it will be much easier for me to meet for lunch with my buddies from church again. They would like me to take an hour lunch, and the building has a full locker room, so I will be able to run and exercise on my my lunch break a few days a week (there is a great exercise course I used to run when I worked at Sony). I'd like to get back into half-marathon running shape again, so this schedule looks to help accommodate that.

But probably the best thing about it all is that instead of being a bit short each month to make our budget, we will be several hundred dollars ahead each month. So accelerating our debt payoff plan will be a huge blessing! The company benefits are also incredible. They gave me a "benefits at a glance" sheet. It is a 3 page spreadsheet with 10 point font. There are a lot of really good benefits offered to TrellisWare employees.

Anyway, I am super-excited about this new possibility, and I eagerly anticipate being at TrellisWare for a long, long time!

I'm famous

2010-07-31T20:27:00.001-07:00

Ok, not really...

But I posted a while back that I got a random gig as a "model" for the Madden 11 video game cover. Well, it will be released next month. Look for me in stores or on Amazon! :)

Busy summer days

2010-07-16T05:24:00.000-07:00

There is always so much to do in the summer! Long, warm evenings, activity packed weekends, trips to the beach, VBS and other events for the kids... So it's been a while since I've posted. Here are some highlights:

We've started harvesting from our garden. Most of the lettuce is bitter (or gets eaten by gophers), but we've enjoyed beans, cucumbers, peas, and LOTS of zuchinni. Jenetta has been getting really creative in her use of this vegetable. It has found its way into muffins, applesauce blends, and salads, but my favorite is breaded and fried with ranch dressing :) Our surviving corn should be ready soon, and it looks like we will end up with about a thousand tomatoes (I planted way too much of that).

I'm noticing how old this photo is already. The watermelon plants in the foreground now completely fill the front box and are growing down the sides, and the tomatoes in the far back to the left are 2 feet taller now! Wow!

The girls are doing well. They are enjoying their summer and playing with friends outside more. Grandma Joy has been on her summer break, so they've been able to spend some fun times with her. We got to go to a makeup Padres game as a family, and that was fun - a 5:30 Saturday start time makes for a much better evening (not to mention avoiding the ER!) L's owie on her face healed nicely, but she will have a pretty noticeable scar by her eye. (Just fitting in with the Penners, I guess..)

O is swimming without floaties and has ridden with me on her tummy on my surfboard a few times. She likes flopping on the boogie board and riding in the shallow whitewater. I think next year I will get her a softtop surfboard of her own.

We got free passes to the county fair, so that was a lot of fun for the girls. We did a few rides, but to keep the cost down, we mainly took advantage of the many, many fun free things you can do at the fair. The girls had a blast (and took a two hour nap when we got back home)!

But probably the biggest new thing that has happened is that last weekend the girls' paternal grandmother arranged for our kids to play with their siblings whom they have not seen for almost two years. The oldest is 7, and the first thing he asked O was if she remembered that she used to bite him. :) That sounds like our O! He is a half-brother, and O really enjoyed running and playing with him. They also have a younger sister who is around 2.5. She had fun, too, but she is so young that she didn't engage much with our two - mostly she just played with the wood chips at the park :) We played together for a few hours and then went to Lakeshore Learning Center for all four of them to do free crafts.

It was a good time, and there really hasn't been any negative repercussions of the get-together. It was just kids having fun playing together. From what we have heard, it meant a great deal to the boy - he misses his sisters. O was a little bit depressed or low the day after the get-together, but she's been normal ever since.

We certainly don't want to hide anything from our girls, but it will be interesting seeing how these relationships develop over the years. It seems clear that our girls will have a drastically different childhood experiences.

God is good. He has taken care of the needs of our family. We are in a place of living day to day and enjoying the good things He has provided for us.

Whirlwind

2010-06-19T10:41:00.000-07:00

We've had a crazy few weeks!

Did you ever have those times where you are so busy that you never feel you get a chance to recover and rest? That's how I've felt for a while now.

Last week was really busy - I just over-scheduled and did too many fun things with my friends at night after the girls went to bed.

Last weekend, we went to Las Vegas together. I had to work a tradeshow at the Sands Expo, and my boss was kind enough to suggest that I bring my family along and put them on the expense account for meals. She expressed to me that she wanted me to feel welcome and for me to have a good time with my family.

And while I REALLY appreciated the generosity (it's so nice to feel appreciated after 7 months of rejection), in many ways, it probably would have been better to leave the girls at home with Jenetta. There is just SO much stimulation there with lights and sounds and smells and crowds. Plus with the work of the trade show, I felt pretty much exhausted when I came back to be with them and of course, they were missing me and were jacked up and wanted to play. So I never got any rest.

And maybe Jenetta and I are "old before our time," but the whole Vegas party lifestyle doesn't seem very appealing to either of us. The sheer volume of public intoxication is staggering! People walk around with huge containers of liquor and sip on them all day long! The girls were exposed to things that were uncomfortable for me to witness, let alone for children to see. It just made me glad that we live in a nice community with good friends, and I'm happy to just chill out at the beach.

We came home very late on Monday night, and then all week, I had to play catch-up at work. So that wasn't very relaxing, either.

I'm venting and it sounds like everything was awful. The girls really enjoyed swimming and meeting other kids and playing at the pool with them. Jenetta took them to a chocolate factory and to Circus Circus, so that was neat. All their meals and snacks were paid for by my company, and I have a job at a place that is run by generous and thoughtful employers. I was even eventually able to get on top of the pile of work on my desk and got it down to a manageable stack! :)

Then last night, we had the unexpected blessing of getting four tickets to the Padres vs. Orioles game. These are great corporate seats - right in line with the first base path, just behind home plate, about 16 rows up. It was fun to talk baseball with the girls. I think O understood a little bit of it. They definitely enjoyed cotton candy! (Won't be doing that one again!!! - I think peanuts would be better next time - they were so hyped up!!!)

But in the third inning, we decided to take them to the park in the park. There is a spinning ride there that they love. (And they enjoy rolling down the grassy hill and getting grass stains all over themselves!) :)

The girls played for a while and I watched the game on the big screen behind the outfield wall. Then L had an accident and hit her face on a concrete planter. I actually have video of it, but it is brutal to watch. I think I will be deleting that file! The Petco Park emergency staff were super helpful and they cleaned up the blood and gave us lots of Padres stuff, but it was obvious that she would need stitches. So we took her to the Coronado ER because it is generally slower there. We were there about an hour and a half for everything (which is pretty good for a Friday night at the ER). 5 stitches later, L is fine, and it only hurts when she laughs or smiles.

But needles to say, last night wasn't very restful, either. :(

So this morning, we let the girls go play at the neighbor's house, and I'm planning on relaxing in front of the TV. I haven't been able to watch any World Cup games yet. We'll see how that goes! :)

Changes...

2010-06-06T08:26:00.000-07:00

I spent some time yesterday looking at pictures from a year ago. I was overwhelmed by a strong sense of compassion for our girls. Not only where they physically unhealthy when they first came here, but they were so awkward. You can see in the pictures that they just don't know what is going on or how to respond. Jenetta and I talked about it, and she said it seems almost like a crime to uproot a child and tell them that they will be living somewhere else now with different parents. How strange and incomprehensible that must have seemed for them!

Recent photos show them just being themselves - normal kids. You can see a clear difference in their body language in photos from them versus now.

This morning I took O with me for a run. We hadn't run together since early April. So I noticed a lot of changes with that, too. First, we were both out of shape. O complained almost right away of being tired and not wanting to run. Our usual competitive games didn't work either. When I would run ahead and encourage her to come catch me, she just screamed and wanted to hold my hand. That need to compete and be in charge seems to have decreased a lot. She just wanted to be with me and enjoy running/walking together.

Maybe I'm reading too much into one morning. But Jenetta and I talked about it, and O's crazy excess energy has definitely decreased over the past few months. She still likes physical activity and loves riding her bike (and she can still be a pain at times), but the overflowing spring of energy and excitement within her seems to have decreased from a raging river to a gurgling stream. Maybe she doesn't need the running as often as possible to calm her down. She doesn't seem to have the excess energy to burn anymore.

Not really related to this post, but noteworthy is our upcoming trip to Las Vegas next weekend. I am part of the team from my work going to a Spa products trade show at the Venetian next Sunday and Monday. I was to go up on Saturday and return on Tuesday. Since I had a hotel room to myself, my boss suggested that I bring the whole family along to play in the pool and to get a vacation. We talked about it, and decided that even though the hotel would be free, the extra expense for eating out just wouldn't fit in our budget.

I was really touched by the response from my boss. She wants me to feel welcome at the company and really wants me to bring my family. She also wants to get to know our girls and Jenetta better, so she would very much like me to bring them. She told me to put their meals on the company expense account for the trade show. I am very grateful for this gesture. Even though I will be busy for much of my time there, it will be great to see my family in the mornings and to be with them for dinner and in the evenings. Vegas, here we come!

My birthday

2010-06-03T20:58:00.000-07:00

Because Monday was a holiday, we ended up celebrating my birthday a day early. In the morning, I took the girls to the beach with David, Courtney, and Isaiah. We had a great time hanging out and playing together. O even paddled out with me on my surfboard for a few belly rides. It was great!

After naptime, we went to Grandma Joy and Grandpa CJ's pool to swim. Both girls are so brave in the water! Then we feasted and enjoyed my blue angel-food cake.

At work the next day, I got an unexpected bonus. I was informed that even though I had only been there a few weeks, I was getting Holiday pay. I think the last time I got paid for a day off from work was my last year of teaching - 1998. It's been a long time! It allowed me to not work so much this week - which is good, because there are lots of things for me to take care of at home! Thanks for all the birthday wishes. I really appreciated it!

Hurkey Creek Camping Trip

2010-05-16T18:40:00.000-07:00

We just got back from an amazing camping trip! I took the girls for the weekend up to Hurkey Creek with a large group from our church. In many ways, this was the easiest camping I've ever done! I didn't have to worry much about the girls because when they wandered off, they were always going to play with friends from church. And when I found I'd forgotten some necessity, we were surrounded by people who were happy to let us borrow and share.

The girls had a blast, and although sleep was challenging due to the the coyotes howling, neighbors snoring, and babies crying, and the chilly nights (someone told me their thermometer hit 32 the first night - and our tent is definitely not geared for that kind of low). But I actually feel pretty rested and refreshed. I let the girls do the running and climbing and biking. I mostly took my time, sat and read, and hung out with friends. It was great!

There were too many highlights to mention. But a few that I've uploaded video for were a kids water balloon fight and playing in the creek. Also one photo below shows O after getting her first hit in baseball! She hit the ball over the 2nd baseman's head (but didn't have any idea where to run, so she ran a big "S" near the pitcher's mound).

I'd love to go again! But it is nice to be clean, too :)

Another cool random gig - and the free time to do it!

2010-04-29T19:24:00.000-07:00

I've been training at my new job for the past two days. My boss decided it would be better for me to assimilate some of the new information in half-day sessions. This allows them to train me but also gives them time to do the everyday work they need to do outside of getting me up to speed.

One benefit of this is that I got the afternoon free today. And I filled it by being a "model." I got the opportunity to be a part of a photo shoot for a popular video game. The front cover will have a Superbowl-winning quarterback on it, and one of the images on the inside cover will be Saints fans cheering. Me and three other Chargers fans got to pretend we were in the Superdome. The final image will be heavily edited and a lot of graphics added, so I'm not certain if you will be able to tell it is me.
I think the "sign" that I'm holding will have "Who Dat?" put on it in post-production.

It was a lot of fun, I met some really nice people, and I got paid to boot!

Hike with Isaiah and David

2010-04-24T11:46:00.000-07:00

I start the new job in just over a week from now, so I am trying to take advantage of the time I have available to do lots of cool things with the girls. Yesterday we went on a hike at Lake Hodges with David and his son Isaiah. The girls play really well with Isaiah and they like a lot of the same things. It was a beautiful morning, and a great time!

JOB!!!

2010-04-21T20:14:00.001-07:00

Today I finally got a job offer. It is a challenging position in a field where I have lots of transferable skills that can be applied right away, but a real lack of experience and specific knowledge with the industry. So I'll be playing catch-up again. I've done it before with Sony and with the water company. I can do it again.

I really like the people I'll be working with. Their corporate values are structured around respect and partnership with their clients. I like that a lot!

Also they are at an interesting crossroads as the owner is following her dream and branching out in new directions. I think there is a real opportunity for me to make an impact right away.

Here's the one catch. It pays about $7 an hour LESS than we need to make our monthly budget. So that's not very fun. I'm going into salary negotiations tomorrow at 8:30, so I'd appreciate your prayers. At the very least, we can continue to limp along for a while, and I'm hoping I can structure some sort of value-added compensation where I earn more when my contributions affect the profitability of the company. But some income is WAY better than none!

We've been talking with the girls about daddy going back to work. It has been good for me to be with them so much since September. The extra stability this arrangement has provided has been really good for them. But it just can't go on forever if we plan to stay here. We feel that stability and structure are so much what the girls need right now - we need to stay put as long as possible.

Anyway, thanks for going along with us on the journey. I'm really hoping this time for a job I can work at for longer than 6 months!!! :)

Unexpected Blessing

2010-03-31T17:55:00.000-07:00

I had kind of a weird day today. I had three interviews, but none of them were specific to one particular job. The first two were for temp agencies, and they were very positive. I got some encouragement and some solid advice, but no real imminent job prospects. The third was a qualification interview for a major health care provider in our area, but that probably will not be going anywhere. With thousands of applicants for each job, they made it very clear that unless I have exactly the kind of experience they are looking for, I won't even make it past the computer system that does the initial screening. I also followed up on the phone on every job lead I've been tracking and got nowhere...

So I had a strange day in that perspective. High and low, up and down... It is exhausting putting yourself out there over and over and over again.

We met with a credit counselor earlier this week and got a good sense of the pros and cons of the tough decisions we need to make in light of the deficit we're running every month. At the end of that session, we made the decision to liquidate our retirement account. A tough choice to make, but definitely among the least damaging options we are faced with. This morning, we put that plan into action.

Did you ever have that experience where you put on a coat you haven't worn in a long time and there is some cash in the pocket? Well, I had forgotten that almost ten years ago, we set up our retirement accounts where almost a third of it was a joint savings account (not tied to an IRA). I'd totally forgotten that we did that because we stopped funding it in 2007 when our businesses began their declines. Basically, it allowed us to make a withdrawal today that did not incur any tax penalties. We have enough now to make it for another 5 or 6 weeks (longer if we pull the plug on our health insurance - another difficult decision to make). But "rediscovering" that joint account was a great unexpected surprise.

I'm grateful to not have the immediate pressure of the mortgage payment and property tax payment on top of me anymore. But I'm even more grateful for the sense of peace I have about the whole thing right now. Something has got to happen! Right???

One year anniversary

2010-03-29T22:25:00.001-07:00

One year ago today, we became parents. My, how it has gone by so quickly!!!

Today we celebrated a year of growth with our girls. Some friends donated a really cool giant pinata, and I put in a couple bags of peanuts and some Tootsie Pops. I took down one of the curtain rods I'd made a few years ago out of thick dowel rod, and let the girls go at it! :)

We celebrated with Jenetta's family and some of the neighbors. I had the girls wear the backpacks they were wearing when we picked them up at the airport (just for nostalgia's sake), but eventually, they got taken off because they were impeding the full destructive motion.

After a while, we did away with the blindfold, too, and just let them have fun.

We wanted to mark the anniversary and let the girls have some extra fun to celebrate it.

We are also reminded to thank all of you that have been supporting us and praying for us. We could not have done this without our support network.

Cool things in our family

2010-03-21T08:21:00.000-07:00

We've noticed a pretty substantial change in O during the past few weeks, and it has been exciting for us as parents to observe it. Those of you who are parents are probably very accustomed to seeing growth and being proud of it. (Or at least you remember it from when your kids were young). Well, for us, we've been so focused on structure for the girls and so involved with big picture concerns that is has been hard to notice the little details.

But to be completely honest, O has been delayed in many areas by the trauma in her past. They both have, really, but O was definitely impacted more than L has been. There is a reason they love playing with toys that belong to babies and toddlers. Their speech and other developments have been significantly delayed because of all they have been through.

O has been in "survival mode" for a long time. Because of this, her brain really hasn't had time to devote attention to other things. Next week, we will have had the girls for one year, and we are finally starting to see her relax and feel secure. This has allowed her to advance by leaps and bounds in many areas, and it has been really exciting for us to watch! We are proud of her (and tell her that all the time!)

Last weekend, our neighbors had their grandchildren visit for an overnight, so the girls played with them outside for a while after dinner. Their grandaughter is probably 7 or 8, and she had a lot of stuff in the garage. When she saw our girls ride their bikes, she brought over her old princess bike with no training wheels for O to try. O hopped on it and after a few wipeouts, just did it! We were so surprised because she hadn't given any indication that she was ready for this. So this week, I removed her training wheels on her big bike for good, and she has been doing just fine!

But some of the biggest developments we are seeing are in language. She has had more time to devote to writing letters and numbers and coloring. When we first got her, she would scribble for about ten seconds, then tear up the paper and go on to something else. Now both girls sit and color and create a lot. Yesterday, O walks up to us and hands us a pink 3x5 card:

And she says to us, "B - I - B. That spells Bib!" She picked this up from an infomercial about teaching your baby how to read. It brought a big smile to our faces.

She still is challenging to understand at times and her grammar and vocabulary are definitely delayed as well, but now we are finding that when we correct her, she is actually able to process the difference. She is working on the word "before." Mostly it comes out as "-fore" or even "A-fore." Last night, she was asking us a question that used that word, and we watched her mentally check her options before correctly saying "...Before when we went to grandma's..."

This is the kind of stuff we signed up for!

Equestrian Event

2010-03-15T15:41:00.000-07:00

This past weekend, I was able to secure a random gig shooting video for an equestrian event in Aguanga, CA. Where is Anguanga you might ask??? Well, it is about 35 min. east of Temecula. (Think Ramona but higher in elevation (so much colder) and harder to get to.)

I got quite a sunburn on my face, but I learned a lot about equestrian events, met some new people, and gained some more videography experience. But mostly, I enjoyed getting paid.

A little bit at a time...

Candelight Vigil at Escondido HS

2010-03-08T21:56:00.000-08:00

Tonight we decided to walk down the hill to Escondido HS and take part in a candlelight vigil for the family of Amber Dubois. Amber went missing on Valentine's Day last year and was taken off the street less than a mile from our home. If you haven't heard, her remains were found this weekend, and it appears that she is an earlier victim of the same creep who took Chelsea King in RB who was discovered last week. We have been working with the girls about not talking to strangers, and talking a lot about compassion for others, so we felt that even though most of it was over their heads, we would walk down as a family and pray for Amber's family.

This experience was good for us on so many levels. First, I've had a really heavy heart for the past week, and just to do something active was positive for me. Emotional things like this really affect me, and although many friends have told me that is a good thing because it makes me sensitive, it is sometimes hard to function under a cloud of grief. I could never be a counselor - there is no way I would be able to seperate myself from the pain of others.

There has been a thought that our pastor shared with us yesterday that has really helped me today. It is common in our culture to call for a moment of silence at times like these. He was suggesting that we have no need to be silent - we have a God that we can cry out to. So at the moment of silence today, I prayed. I know God is in control and involved in our experiences - even when things are awful, flawed, imperfect, or ruined - He is still there.

I was also moved by our girls' response to the event. When we got there, they were too short to see much of anything except the backs of the people in front of us. So they just stood there and sang "Jesus Loves Me" together a few times. I thought about telling them to be quiet since everyone was just standing there silently waiting for the family and the officials to talk to us. But when they got to the line "little ones to him belong..." I was touched by their innocence (and how Amber and Chelsea belong to God now, too), and I looked at Jenetta, and we just let them sing away not caring what anyone else thought.

Back home at bedtime, O prayed for Amber's family. She asked God that they would not be so sad, and that they would get a new kid and do fun stuff together. Even though pretty much all day long O had been testing us and generally being an annoying punk, I couldn't help but smile and give her a hug and pray for her safety and thank God that we have two girls to protect and teach and raise.

There were a lot of media people at the event. The TV trucks from LA and San Diego took up most of the right lane on Broadway in front of the school. The front area was filled with reporters and camera people and newspaper photographers. Here is a photo that one of them took tonight:

Been a while...

2010-02-23T17:04:00.000-08:00

I guess I've been waiting for something meaningful to happen before I posted anything on the blog. In the meantime, lots of small things happened, and then I looked up and it had been two weeks since I put anything up there. I guess that's how life is sometimes.

Tomorrow there are two things on the calendar that I am looking forward to. The first is a follow-up interview with a district office for a large insurance company. The job seems to fit me really well. It's a good match for how I am wired and how I work, and the people seem really nice. It's too bad that it is a 32 mile drive each way :( But at this point, I'll take what I can get! I was one of ten applicants that they interviewed. I should find out tomorrow how many others they chose to call back to meet the boss. It would be nice to earn an income again, but I'm not really stressed about it. Either I'll get it because it is the right job for me, or I won't because something else is meant for me.

Then tomorrow night, Jenetta and I have a date night planned. We haven't had an evening together out for a long time. We are attending a lecture and food/beer tasting at Stone Brewery as part of a UCSD Alumni Association series called "Farm to Table." We're learning more about eating healthy direct-from-grower food options, and Jenetta has been cooking up some incredible meals! Her grass-fed Bison meatloaf actually made me enjoy eating meat! So, we are really looking forward to this event. I've never done anything with the Alumni Association. I guess since I figured I was still paying off my student loans that I wasn't in any position to donate, so why bother? But I've since found out you can do cool stuff with them without donating to the university, so we'll give it a shot.

And lastly, I wanted to let you know something cool that Jenetta and I have been sharing together. Most of you know that she writes a blog called Frugal Freebies and Deals. In attempting to expand her blogging empire, she added a site called The Closeout Kid. But she has been too busy to manage content for it, and other than the 8-10 applications I fill out everyday for job postings, I don't have much else to do. So I've been writing for it since the beginning of February. I think I have the steps down pretty well. It takes me about 90 minutes or so each morning, but if I was really focused, I think I could get done in less than an hour. So far, I'm earning around $5 a day, but more and more people are going to it, so it is steadily growing, and the commissions and advertising revenue are steadily growing.

It has been fun for me to talk the same language as Jenetta. This is something she has been doing for almost two years now and it has turned into a steady part-time job for her. I never really understood what she was doing on the laptop all the time when we were watching TV at night. Now I get it :)

Fan Fest at Petco Park

2010-02-13T15:04:00.001-08:00

Judy and Jenetta went to Alana's baby shower, so Kyle and I took the girls to Petco for the Padre's Fan Fest. It was fun for the girls to run around the Park in the Park and to bounce on the jumpy they had set up. We enjoyed a nice sunny lunch and a great morning together. Note the Canada shirts on the girls. Judy and Kyle are doing their part now that the girls' last names are Penner. :)

Judy and Kyle's visit

2010-02-13T14:48:00.000-08:00

It has been a lot of fun to have my sister Judy and my brother-in-law Kyle with us this week! We've been enjoying the sunny weather. They are both so good with the kids. In particular, Judy takes no crap from O. Exactly what she needs! :)

Winter, Escondido style

2010-02-13T14:46:00.001-08:00

I've been meaning to post these photos for a while. After our trip to the mountains, we brought a cooler full of snow home. It lasted about 30 minutes. It was fun!

Adoption Day

2010-01-27T13:38:00.000-08:00

Today the adoption was finalized. The girls are officially O and L Penner! We've been talking a lot about what that means. Right when I took this picture, O told the judge that her papers meant that "no one can ever send us away because I like my room a lot!" The judge heartily agreed that these legal documents mean that we are their parents forever and it's good that she likes her room. :)

One thing the court does for adoptive kids is that they each get to pick a teddy bear. The girls spent a lot of the morning role-playing with their bears and right now, they are napping with them in their arms. :)

Some have asked if now that they are adopted if it is OK if we put their faces and names on the blog or on Facebook. Although we COULD now - there is no foster agency telling us what we can and can't do anymore, we do not feel it is in the best interest of the girls. For their safety, we will continue to blur their faces and not use the full names. I can't go into detailed reasons online as to why we do it - just know it is for the best.

After we left the courthouse, Jenetta packed us some lunches and the girls and I headed to Mt. Palomar to play in the snow to celebrate. At the peak, there was still a good 18 inches of snow, although it is melting quickly. Sadly, the observatory (and it's parking lot) were closed due to weather - I'm guessing they just didn't want to plow out the road so city people like us could play in their snow. But there was almost nobody else up there, so we found a place on the side of the road that had a pretty decent sledding hill and some areas of fresh snow to play with.

The girls made a few snowmen:

all of which were promptly destroyed...

... and eaten!

We also found out that a boogie board makes a pretty good sled when the snow is wet!

We brought home a cooler full of snow to play with in the yard - I'll try to pull the camera out for that after nap time.

Thanks to everyone for your prayers for us. Please keep them up. Although a lot changed today, really nothing changed at all. Our routine is still the same, our discipline and structure are still the same, and our love for them is the same. Sometimes it is easy and fun, sometimes it is very difficult and exhausting, but most of the time, it just IS. It's our life now... :)

Two hikes

2010-01-23T16:38:00.000-08:00

I went on two great hikes today. One was with my friend Jeremy, and we enjoyed a good time walking and talking together. The air was crisp and clear and the views to the snow on Mt. Palomar were great! That little waterfall near the edge of Westwood is a serious gusher now because of all the rain. The best part by far, though, was spending time just talking to Jeremy. It's been a while for both of us...

After that, I came home and got the girls and we joined Geoff and his boys and hiked to a stream near his home. We climbed up on rocks and got muddy on the trail. It was a lot of fun. Then we enjoyed a yummy lunch prepared for us by Geoff at his home. The girls were wiped out - they fell asleep in the car on the way home!

Sadly, L was kind of a third wheel on the trail. O is definitely going after Will... :)
Sorry about that, Horn family! :)

Photo Shoot

2010-01-15T10:55:00.000-08:00

I've been working this week on a photo shoot in lovely Boulevard, CA. Our Cousin-in-law Alana hired me to help out. The crew is shooting product promo photos for a military contractor. It's been quite an experience! We are working on a ranch where the southern border of the property is actually the US-Mexico border. Here is what the fence looks like:

Here are some photos of the type of setups we have been doing:

Alana and I helped to make the concrete barriers and junky cars look more junky and dusty.

Cris worked today on the shoot as an Afghani person. Here he is sweating nervously at the military checkpoint. Definitely a "person of interest!" :)

It's been hard to be away from the girls so much this week, but I am sure grateful for the work!

Avery

2010-01-08T20:46:00.000-08:00

Tonight we shared a meal with the Gallion family. Avery was born on Dec. 9. The girls were fascinated by her and did a pretty good job of keeping calm around her.

Avery was kind of fussy tonight and for some reason, when O sang to her, it settled her down. :)

L "read a book" to Avery. :)

And the girls were just as enamored with their cat, Shadow. He let them pet him. (Our cat just hisses at the girls and runs under the bed.)

We really enjoyed our evening with our friends. It is so good to be able to share in each other's journeys...

Lake Poway

2010-01-06T19:23:00.000-08:00

Jenetta's dad Pat and his wife Shelley visited our place earlier this week. The girls loved having extra sets of laps to climb up on and more people to read stories to them. :)

This photo was taken by O. She is a budding photographer!

We have been enjoying temperatures in the high 70's. Today seemed hot! It just does not seem like it is January at all! I took the girls to Lake Poway and we played around on a rental boat. They each got to take turns steering the motor, and later we played around with the oars a bit. We had a lot of fun together, and it was a good day for behavior. I'm grateful for days like these.

2010

2010-01-01T14:18:00.000-08:00

I like blogs because they provide a good record of how I was feeling and what I was thinking throughout the year.

This afternoon, I reviewed all the posts from the past two years. Some conclusions that I draw from these snapshots are:

- I only had a vague lingering recollection of how tough some of the early adjustments were with the girls. I guess I'm just kind of accustomed now to how I respond to difficult behaviors, and we are always working on dealing with new problems and phases. It is good to reflect on where we were then and where we are now. The girls for the most part are pretty well-behaved. They go to sleep like clockwork, instead of fighting it and staying up past 10:00. Even when she makes poor choices and is disciplined, O's temper tantrums are sometimes less than 30 seconds instead of 20-30 minutes of screaming and kicking. L has reverted somewhat and is peeing and pooping in her pants a lot. We had three dry days, but today she was too interested in playing with the neighbor girl to listen to her body. So that is annoying (after saying goodbye to diapers 4 months ago!) For the most part, they listen well and try hard to behave. It is still a lot of work, but we are enjoying times that we spend with them.

- Training for the marathon was extremely challenging for me. I was tired much of the time. I am glad I completed it, but it may be a while before I put in that kind of effort again. I think the half marathons are a much better race for me (and my parenting schedule). The next one is Feb. 14.

- I lost two different jobs this year, Jenetta has zero weddings for next year (and we just closed her studio yesterday), I haven't been able to find anything else and have been unemployed since September, and Jenetta's blog work, while growing, is still only generating a part-time income. So the financial side probably is the bleakest we've ever seen in our married lives. But just like running nearly every day conditioned me to do the marathon, and dealing with the girls everyday makes us conditioned to the way things are when challenges come up, the fact that we've had to spend more or less two solid years of trusting God for every bill we pay has taught us a lot about relying on Him. Trusting God to provide is becoming like breathing. It's just something we do without much thought - it just happens, and we are grateful for it.

- And in many respects, having the girls in our lives has isolated us from our friends. There is much we need to say "Sorry, no" to now (or it never even comes up as most of them have small kids or newborns now - or assume we wouldn't be available anyway). I was feeling like maybe we should take a break from our homegroup. It is so easy to feel a desire to insulate and detach. But, in the midst of all that, we received the most generous outpouring of love from so many people this Christmas season. It has helped so much and taught us that at this time in our lives, it is more important to connect with others than ever.

I'm eager to see what God teaches us this year. Here are some things I am anticipating:

- Adoption should be finalized in early January. We'll announce a child dedication at our church later this winter or in early spring.

- I'm planning on running another half marathon on Feb. 14. Judy and Kyle might even come down to visit that weekend!

- At some point, I will find some kind of employment, or the income on Jenetta's blogs will increase to the point where I can contribute there regularly.

- We will continue to discover what it means to trust and follow God.

- The girls will continue to grow in their understanding of Him and be more and more fun for us to parent.

Happy new year to all of you! Comment on this post - tell us what you expect in 2010!

16 years ago today...

2009-12-31T20:40:00.001-08:00

Our lives have changed a great deal this year. We probably saw the biggest changes since we got married, which just happens to be 16 years ago today. There are some things in life I probably would have done differently knowing what I now know, but deciding who to share it all with was the best choice I ever made. I couldn't have asked for a more loyal, supportive, and loving friend to travel alongside me on this journey.

San Diego Trip

2009-12-31T08:51:00.000-08:00

We just got back from a fun trip to San Diego! :)

Earlier this year, when Jenetta still had a wedding photography business, she bartered some photographic work for the Manchester Grand Hyatt which is located just west of the Convention Center in downtown SD. We were finally able to use the two free nights and the dinner coupon this week. On Monday, Jenetta and I drove down after nap time and left the girls with her mom. We had an amazing mini-break! We used the dinner coupon to eat at Sally's and had some really great seafood and time alone to talk. The bill would have been over $100, but it was free for us!

Later that evening, we walked around the gaslamp, arm in arm, and enjoyed each other's company.

The next morning, I woke up early and went for a run along the bayfront. Then we walked to Horton Plaza to eat at St. Tropez for breakfast. We had a gift card for that place from a former client that Jenetta and I both used to do photographic work for. Later that day, we drove to La Jolla and ate at La Dolce Vita - you guessed it, another coupon! We even found street parking along Prospect right in front of the restaurant.

Later that afternoon, we picked up the girls to spend the next night with us at the hotel. We swam in the pool, explored around the area with them; then we drove to Old Town to eat at Casa De Reyes (another gift card). It was a little challenging getting them to sleep - they were so excited!

The next morning, O and I ran along the 5K course that was being run later that day. It was fun to run across the finish line and explore new places to run and play together. We went cheap on breakfast - $8 worth of yogurt and juice from the grocery store.

Then we went to the Holiday Bowl parade. I had considered going to this with the girls anyway. It was awesome that the end of the parade route was two blocks from our hotel. After the parade, we packed up and came back home to the usual routine.

Jenetta and I were remarking about how relaxing the first day was (and how tiring the second day was)... Hopefully in a few years, vacations with them will be less work as they can take care of themselves more.

As we were leaving, we found out that even the internet access and the parking had been comped at the hotel. We had been told we would have to pay for that ourselves!

So with tips, $10 worth of gas that I bought in La Jolla, and the grocery store bill, we spent a total of $49 on this trip! Yea!

Merry Christmas!

2009-12-26T14:47:00.001-08:00

Merry Christmas to everyone! We hope you enjoy your holiday season!

Aunt Barb

2009-12-23T13:55:00.000-08:00

My mom's sister and her husband live about 3 miles away from us (actually they live across the street from our first home here in Escondido).

Barb comes over once or twice each week to read stories with the girls and to do crafts with them. She has a rich treasure chest of activities and things to do with preschoolers, and the girls love it so much when she spends time with them.

Those of you on the Brown side of the family with kids or your own definitely need to take advantage of "Barb time" whenever you can!!!

Today Barb prepared a Christmas candy house with them covered in icing and all kinds of candy. The girls had a blast making it (and they can't wait to start eating it!)

She also gave fun Christmas pillowcases for them to put on their beds so they could have "Christmas dreams." She had a neat story to go along with these gifts as well.

We have a very wide and diverse support network. We are so grateful for all of it!

Generous gift

2009-12-14T19:17:00.001-08:00

It is ironic that I wrote a post yesterday about receiving. (Or God telling us something - depending on your perspective).

Today we were given a Christmas card anonymously that held an extremely generous cash gift inside. All we know is that someone at our church wanted us to have it.

I was moved to tears when opening this card.

There is some maintenance on the car that I have been putting off for months (bald tires - kind of scary now that the rainy season is here) and a long list of bills that need to be paid. We certainly can use this gift!

I think that the lesson I'm probably supposed to learn in this over two years' worth of financial difficulty is that before when I was the guy handing out the gifts and helping to meet the needs of people there was an element of pride involved. Sure it was subtle, and I kept it well-hidden, but I really enjoyed hearing of someone needing something and being in the position to write a check to help out. It made me feel good to be a part of the solution.

Pride gets stripped away when you apply for government assistance or are unsure of which bills you can pay or start thinking about losing your home.

I want to be a gracious receiver. Thank you so much!!! (for this specific gift and the many blessings we have!)

Blessings

2009-12-13T22:35:00.000-08:00

John 1:16 - From the fullness of his grace we have all received one blessing after another.

Our pastor today said that this verse should be on a Christmas card, but he's never seen it. He talked about the real meaning of Christmas really starts with accepting a gift and that we as adults have a hard time with that. We are great at the giving part, but we struggle with receiving.

I've been thinking about this all day....

Jenetta's kitchen blog

2009-12-09T17:41:00.000-08:00

Jenetta is adding a new blog to her business empire...

http://mypetitechefs.blogspot.com/

She will be sharing about her journey to include the girls more in the kitchen. Check there from time to time for updates.

I found the reading interesting (and I'm not really into food stuff - she is the one who watches the Food Network all the time...) So, I'm pretty sure that those of you that read other food and wine blogs would appreciate this.

L's 4th Birthday

2009-12-07T15:44:00.001-08:00

Yesterday was L's fourth birthday. We had planned on an inside event, and although the rain held off until later last night, we were glad to be indoors - it was gloomy and chilly all day. Lots of friends from church and the neighborhood came over and L was so happy to be a "big kid" now. She has decided that four year olds do not need to suck their thumbs - but she's having a hard time remembering that decision :)

Again, I wish I could show more photos or some of the video we took. Their expressions are just priceless. Even at 5 and 4 their personalities that will define them for the rest of their lives are so crystal clear! But here is one of O "helping" to open presents... and one of them both eyeing the goodies before the guests arrived.

Happy birthday baby!

Christmas on the Prado

2009-12-07T15:24:00.000-08:00

We've had a busy, busy weekend! On Friday, we went down to Balboa park to experience Christmas on the Prado. This is our Christmas tradition (even though it is now named December Nights, because of course, anything civic can't have a mention of Christmas in it...)

The evening kicks off the Holidays for us, and we've gone almost every year we've lived here. This year was the first time we took our children to it, so everything was different - things that had no significance to us (like train and carnival rides) are now immensely important, and things that always were a lot of fun for us (like sitting at the organ pavillion and listening to Christmas music) - not so interesting for them :)

This year was special in lots of ways. We hung out with Ryan and David, Courtney, and Isaiah for much of the evening. We paid close attention to the nativity setups and talked about the bible scenes with the girls. The weather was really mild - it was just a great night. The girls fell asleep in the car on the way home - they were spent! When we got home, I had a hard time putting their PJs on because they were sound asleep.

I wish I could show you more photos or not blur out their faces. But we have to be careful for their protection. There were so many pictures and videos of them with giant smiles on their faces!

Christmas decorations

2009-12-01T12:28:00.000-08:00

We are back home now and everything has returned to normal. We ended up driving home a few days early because all the excitement was just too much for the girls (and the behavior and discipline issues were making it difficult for us to enjoy the visits very much).

So we came back and have been laying low for a few days. Sunday was challenging, but yesterday everything seemed back to the way things had been before we left. So we decided to get busy on the Christmas decorations. I hung the lights outside and got really sweaty on the roof - I should have worn shorts, it was so warm! :)

Then the girls helped us put up the tree and the decorations, and they invited one of their friends from across the street over to help make gingerbread cookies. We've been playing Christmas music, and the house is so colorful. I love this time of year!

Redding Turkey Trot

2009-11-26T11:41:00.001-08:00

O and I did the Redding Turkey Trot this morning. They had three divisions. The first was a 1/4 mile kids dash. O ran with the other 5 and 6 year-olds and finished near the front. Since she just turned 5, I was proud of her effort. At the finish, she asked if she could do it again :)

The second division was a 6 mile run. My dad and my sister stayed with O and cheered me on at the starting point. I had a little difficulty breathing in the cold air, and the course (especially the first two miles) was a little more hilly than I anticipated, but my goal was to finish in 55 minutes, and I did it in 54:04. If it had been chip-timed, I think it would have come in around 53:30 because the start pack was pretty narrow, and it took a while to get going.

But the run was beautiful - it goes along the Sacramento river, and the hills and trees and water were really pleasant to look at when running. I also met a family from SD - both wearing their R&R marathon shirts like me. It was a lot of fun!

The third division was a 2 mile fun run/walk. My dad and Jessica took O with them to walk the course. Afterward, we all enjoyed orange slices and juice together before heading back home to rest before the Thanksgiving feast. Hope you all have a happy Thanksgiving!

O is really into stormtroopers for some reason.

A very short video of the start of the kid's race:

Redding trip for Thanksgiving

2009-11-25T14:39:00.000-08:00

We are spending the Thanksgiving holiday in Redding with my family. Typically it takes us about 9 hours to drive from home to here. On Monday, it took us almost 12! The LA traffic and the extra potty breaks really slowed us down! But, I guess we got there a whole lot faster than people would have 100 years ago! :) For the most part, though, the trip was pleasant. The girls only really started complaining in the last few hours - mostly it was just tiring. (for all of us!)

Now that we are up here, we've already had a lot of fun activities together with my family, and we have a lot more scheduled for later in the week. Other than being too jacked up and excited to sleep or nap, the girls are behaving well. Here are some photos of the past two days:

Golfing with grandpa at the Redding golf course:

Playing in the snow area at Eskimo Hill outside of Lassen National Park with cousin Holli:

Driving in grandpa's convertible for ice cream at DQ!

Orange Slices - Orange Belts

2009-11-19T12:48:00.001-08:00

This post will cover a bunch of things we've been up to over the past week. Things have been going pretty well, and we are grateful for it!

On Sunday, I ran my first half marathon. I finished in just over 2 hrs. 11 min, which put me in the bottom 30% for my age bracket. I've got some work to do! I like the half marathon a lot better than the full. I think at this stage in my life, this is a better race for me to work on as the training does not take up as much time as the full marathon did. Although it was a perfect day, I was still recovering from illness, and I wasn't able to give it my best effort. I'm confident that I can beat 2 hrs when I run another one in February. When I finished, I remembered how good orange slices taste when you are getting dehydrated and are exhausted from exercise. What a yummy reward at the end!

Also this weekend, Joy and Jenetta took the girls to an event at the Barnes and Noble store in Carmel Mountain where they got dressed up and had stories read to them. The girls love dressing up in their pretty dresses and they love spending time with Grandma Joy even more!

On Monday, we spent some time with Cris and Alana. It is a good thing to have more family nearby, and the girls love playing with them! It will be great when they have another "cousin" to play with after their firstborn comes along. This video is not very interesting, I'll admit, but it demonstrates the girls favorite thing to do at a lake - toss rocks in the water.

Later that day I got more information about my job. Apparently, I will be hired back on Dec. 1. There is a list of tasks that need to be accomplished prior to re-launching the product early next year, so that at least is some job security for me. I'll be SO happy to get an income again!

The last thing I wanted to post was a progress report on the girls behavior. We were blessed with an 8-day stretch of really great listening and obedience and helpfulness with the girls. We have a rewards/punishment system involving smiley faces, and the best O had ever done with keeping all her smiley faces for an entire day was a stretch of 3 or 4 days. (I'm pretty sure she was sick for half of those, anyway). A typical day involved her losing at least one of the three smileys before breakfast! Losing all three smileys before the end of the day results in consequences they really don't like - and it's no fun for us, either!

Well, both girls had been keeping all three smiley faces all day long for a stretch of 8 days! There has been the usual sibling bickering and some minor incidents, but nothing worthwhile of any serious consequences. O has talked a lot about being calm and doing her best to keep her smileys. It really has been wonderful - so much so that even when they made some unfortunate choices yesterday, losing one smiley face didn't seem like that big of a deal to us (although it was huge for them - and they are determined to do better today!)

Anyway, with their karate class, they earn their first belt - the orange "Tiger" belt for listening at home, being obedient, and a number of other things. We felt strongly that we weren't going to just check them off and let them just get their belts. We wanted them to mean something - for them to earn them. Their behavior has been so good that we felt it was time for them to get their belts. They were so excited!

This past stretch has been really fun for us. It makes us enjoy parenting! We leave on Monday for a week's long vacation with family in Redding, so I'll post more fun stuff when we are up there.

Veteran's Day

2009-11-11T13:38:00.000-08:00

I was inspired by two things this morning. First, the tone of my previous post made me feel totally stuck in a rut. I've been doing the same things over and over so much the days are all blending together. So I decided to do something different today. Secondly, one of my friends from grad school put on his facebook post - "there has to be a far better way to honor our veterans than furniture sales."

So I decided to take the girls downtown to the Veteran's Day parade. O wore her camouflage pants, and she was so excited to see that she matched the people in utilities. They said "Yes Sir" and saluted everyone in dress uniforms, and they said "Thank you" to all the American Legion and VFW and ex-POWs that paraded by. Plus they got a bunch of candy. It was a fun outing.

Been a while...

2009-11-11T08:11:00.001-08:00

I haven't posted much lately. We've just been doing the same things over and over again, I guess, so I haven't had much that feels worthy of sharing.

The girls dressed as princesses for Halloween, and we went to a nearby church for a harvest festival. They had a lot of fun, but it was easy to see that after a few minutes, it was getting overwhelming for them. It was hard to walk around because of the crowds and there was a pretty long wait for every booth and activity. Neither one of them do well in large crowds - it makes them very anxious. So we came back home and let them trick or treat in our neighborhood. Then let them stay up late and we watched Charlotte's Web together in front of the fire.

We are fully into the routine of school, play, exercise, meals, and cleaning up. I'm looking forward to the holidays to change up the schedule a bit! :)

Both girls are enjoying their bikes. L is now big enough to pedal on her own, and O is becoming a speed demon. We tried the no training wheels experiment for O at her request the other day - I think we will need to keep them on for a little while yet. But they ask to go outside and ride all the time. We are thankful to live on a cul-de-sac.

The one big changeup for us has been illness. L brought home a stomach bug that she picked up at school, so this weekend was really tough on her. Then she shared it with me, and after two days on the couch and in bed, I'm just now getting back to normal. I am supposed to run a half marathon in Coronado on Sunday. I'm hoping I can get my strength back in time. I haven't eaten real food since Saturday! Jenetta is still in bed this morning, and I think it is hitting her now.

Speaking of running, we are finding that O really enjoys running with me, and it makes a huge difference in her level of focus. It is challenging to make it a constant game for a 5 year old. If we just ran, she would check out pretty quickly. So we play red light green light, you can't catch me!, who can get to the stop sign first?, and a series of other games that we make up along the way. It has been a fun bonding time for me and the exercise has been really good for her - it makes a huge difference in her behavior and choices during the day. I'm running a turkey trot 10K in Redding with some of my family on the 26th, and I was thrilled to find they have a kid's division 1/4 mile sprint. O is super-competitive, so she has been practicing and is looking forward to running faster than all the other kids!

There has been mixed communication on the job front. I've been told that the new company will be officially setup on the 16th and the first task is to hire me. The shareholders have been putting in a tremendous amount of work and they have told me that they are tired of taking their vacation days to handle tasks they would rather have me do for them. I appreciate that kind of talk, and am encouraged by it. The person slated to be the new CEO has some serious concerns about the viability of the company as a whole. My former boss was so positive that he overlooked most of the unpleasant realities. This person does the opposite. He is hyper-realistic - often to the point of expecting failure. So it can be discouraging to hear his projections. But at the very least, I know things can't be worse than the picture he paints, and I know he is honest about what he sees.

But I'd love to post next week that I officially have a job again and that income is once again flowing our way! In the meantime, we know that God provides and that whatever happens, we are trusting Him.

O's 5th Birthday

2009-10-24T15:21:00.000-07:00

We celebrated a birthday today. Our friends and family joined us at Bates Nut Farm with half of the rest of San Diego county. It was warm, super-crowded, and a lot of fun. I'll put up some photos later today, but here is a short video of the cake that Jenetta made.

Latest

2009-10-21T22:25:00.000-07:00

The past 6 weeks have really been unique for us. It's been over 8 years since I've had a month off from work. So in many ways, the rest has been awesome! I've surfed a lot, gotten some good distance runs in, read a few great books, had time to hang out with friends, and spent the majority of each day doing things with the girls. The time has flown by, and I have very much enjoyed the chance to recharge.

Some people have been asking me about the status of the company I was working for. It is still totally up in the air. I have been assured by the shareholders that are reorganizing the company that they want me to be a part of the process going forward. But one estimated date after another has passed without any resolution. There is still no new company. There is no money in the old company's bank account, and there will be no funding for the new company until the situation with my former boss is settled.

That has been the most annoying part. He has stalled and delayed and negotiated and countered and basically wasted everyone's time after agreeing to "do the right thing" well over a month ago. I've been put in a tough place as the person with a lot of inside information about what has gone on with our company that I didn't feel comfortable sharing out of respect to my former boss. Today I found out that his latest stall tactic is to blame me of all people! I am being accused of mail fraud and sabotaging negotiations between him and the shareholders. These claims are completely ridiculous and the shareholders aren't buying it, but I sure am steamed about it! I want to really give him a piece of my mind, but it just isn't worth it, so I sit on the sidelines and wait.

Speaking of that, I went to LA on Monday to meet with the person who would be the new CEO if the company ever gets going. I really admire him and he has taken the time to share a lot of his experience with me. One thing that really stuck with me is he told me that hope is not a very effective business strategy. He advised me to get going and see what I could get on my own. So I am back to interviewing and applying and waiting...

In the meantime, I've been surprisingly busy this week. I got a gig as an extra with speaking lines on a reality TV show pilot for the Food Network. Today I had a lot of time on camera and had a bunch of fun. I hope the show makes it! It could lead to some production work for me as it will be filmed in Carlsbad. I'm shooting a house for a former real estate client tomorrow morning, I've had an interview with a temp agency, and we're getting ready to host O's 5th birthday.

Our oldest daughter turns 5 tomorrow. Things are going better with her. We've discovered that significant exercise really helps her, so when she doesn't go to school, I try to run with her 2-3 miles in the morning. It's challenging to make it a game for her and to vary it up so she doesn't check out. But for the most part, she enjoys the time we spend together. And when we get back home, she is much more pleasant to be around!

L is getting over three weeks of croup - that was no fun! She was coughing so much, and her little voice sounded like a three-year-old's version of a chain smoker. She was kind enough to give the adult version of her cough to both of us, so both Jenetta and I are hacking and coughing most of the time, although mine is mostly better by today.

My parents arrive tomorrow night. They are driving down for O's party. It's a long haul for them, so we appreciate it a lot. I'm sure I'll post stuff later when they are here.

Jenetta did a photo shoot today with a family and their three dogs. She continues to plug away at her blog and discover ways we can make more money at it a few cents at a time - it all adds up! I enjoy watching her interact with the girls. She has a very nurturing side that I'd never really seen before. And she's also a no-nonsense, take no crap kind of mommy. I like to see that side of her, too.

So that's pretty much where we are. Send us a line or update your blog and tell us the same for you... :)

Friendsgiving

2009-10-16T15:29:00.000-07:00

Last night we got together with our homegroup to celebrate our second annual "Friendsgiving." It is a time for us to feast and be thankful for the blessings of friendship in our lives.

This year, we decided to do it closer to Canadian Thanksgiving than the US one for no reason in particular other than we didn't want to wait another month :)

As David said in the e-vite: "i love thanksgiving meal so dang much. doing it more than once a year is a dream come true for me."

:)

Jenetta's birthday

2009-10-12T22:21:00.000-07:00

Last year, I put together this huge party for Jenetta with lots of friends. This year, we just had a quiet night at Joy and CJ's home. Joy took the girls in the afternoon and made a cake and wrapped presents for Jenetta. We took the opportunity to clean the kitchen here at home and then we headed over to enjoy the evening.

This year sure has been full of changes for us!

Nephew

2009-10-06T04:08:00.001-07:00

My brother Joel and his wife Emily welcomed Jacob Greg Penner to their family last week. So far, he is the only boy in the growing group of grandchildren.

Everyone is doing fine!

Travels with Cocoa

2009-09-30T20:25:00.000-07:00

O got a project from school the other day. She was to take a stuffed dog named Cocoa home and have him come along wherever they went. L didn't want to be left out, so she had a small red dog named Coco that she brought along.

We took the dogs to the farmer's market yesterday and to dinner at Lourdes.

This morning, I took the girls (and the dogs) on an adventure I'd been meaning to do for a while. After breakfast, I took the girls to the Escondido Transit Station and we boarded a Sprinter train headed for Oceanside. The ride takes just under an hour, and they had a great time riding on the train. Kids under 5 ride free, and my fare was $4 for the round trip.

We got off at the terminal and walked to the pier. The girls had fun watching people fishing and posing for photos with their dogs. Then we split a milkshake and fries at the Ruby's Diner at the end of the pier. After snacking, we walked back and caught the next train back home.

We've had three really good days in a row. O has been doing a good job of listening and accepting things when they don't go her way (instead of the usual screaming and crying sessions). This has been a welcome relief! We have a reward system based on choices and listening that she fails at more often than she succeeds at. We've had three days in a row where after bath, she gets to share in the rewards for good behavior. It has been a welcome turn of events! It is so hard disciplining and correcting over and over and over. It just wears you down so much!

Jenetta and I were talking the other night that we are actually enjoying spending time with our daughters. We need that so much - it really helps us be more patient in the difficult moments.

And the waves were not bad. Some sets to overhead +. I am heading out with David tomorrow morning! :)

Latest.... more waiting

2009-09-26T22:05:00.000-07:00

I actually worked this week! I got a random call from a realtor I haven't heard from in years who needed some photos of a home in Escondido. I hadn't shot a home in over a year, but I dusted off the equipment and jumped on the chance to make some cash. And on Thursday and Friday, I found myself doing quite a bit of work for the water company. Unfortunately, I was not paid for any of that. :(

Here is the latest on that situation: My former boss has been asked to resign from the company. The shareholders plan to seize control of the assets and the debts once the resignation is official and everything has been done properly. I have been assured that once that happens, I will be offered a contract to help the company move forward.

The problem is that delays keep slowing this process down. If we had a big savings account, I wouldn't worry too much about it. But I need to earn a living. So it has been frustrating to sit on the sidelines and just wait to have a job. There actually is a lot of work that needs to be done, but until all the legalities are satisfied, they can't raise money and pay me or the new CEO a salary. I was told it would definitely be last week, then the middle of this week for sure, and then October 1 at the latest. Yesterday I got an email that it may be another 15-30 days before everything is in place appropriately.

We appreciate the support and prayers many of you are sending our way. It means a lot! Now, if only a real income would come our way, too :)

What I've been up to...

2009-09-22T06:23:00.000-07:00

Instead of freaking out every day about how small our bank account is getting or worrying about whether or not I will find a job, I've been trying to enjoy this season of life. Sometimes I am more successful at it than other times. Worry has a way of killing everything positive in your life. It has robbed me of good sleep, it has diverted my attention from my family, and I'm convinced my hair is getting thinner on top because of it.

So with God's help, I'm doing my best to just enjoy where I am right now. One huge benefit is that I've been able to spend a lot of time with the girls. I've taken them to the beach or the park or somewhere fun almost every day. They just love to play in the sand and get messy :)

O is getting a lot more brave in the surf, so that has been cool to see. She still hangs onto my leg with a death grip when the wave is coming in, but she's learned that after it passes, she can relax a little bit and swim around in the water. There is probably a good teaching metaphor in that image about our relationship with God, but I'll leave it to those of you that are brighter than me to work that out.

Jenetta got a swing for free on Amazon that I put up on the tree in the front yard. They go out and swing all the time! And they love their bikes and riding around our cul-de-sac.

Yesterday, I blew up this gigantic pirate ship inflatable swimming pool we got from some of the grandparents. It was a hot afternoon, and they had a great time splashing around in the front yard. But I felt kind of bad about filling a huge pool with watering restrictions in place in our community. I probably won't be doing that too often! :)

Today, I am taking the girls to preschool and then going surfing. I don't have to return to pick them up until 1:00, so I plan to set up the umbrella and do some reading on the beach.

I've also been able to enjoy a lot of time connecting with friends. David and Isaiah came over for an impromptu dinner last night, I went to the hot tub at Jeremy's place after the girls went to bed, and I'm meeting another friend late tonight. Another benefit is that I've been able to resume my weekly Wednesday lunches with Geoff. There is something so good about meeting with a friend who knows your failures and struggles and wants to hang with you anyway.

I'm supposed to find out later this week if/when I will be hired back by the company. But in the meantime, I am doing my best to enjoy the time I've been given. That's what I've been up to...

Things are looking up...

2009-09-14T15:27:00.001-07:00

Well, in a manner of speaking, they are...

Friday was my last day of work. It has been sad to watch my boss continue to deceive himself. He has called me a few times and has all kinds of plans for the future of a new company he is dreaming up. Sadly, I think none of it will ever materialize.

I have spoken with a number of the shareholders and the person they'd like to put in place as the new CEO, and they are all positive that a restructuring can happen and that I will be employed again soon. But all that remains to be seen. As I told them, although I am grateful for the appreciation and well-wishes, none of that pays the mortgage.

So I'm back to looking for work again and reaching out to every connection I can think of.

But here is the good stuff...

I'm really enjoying being unemployed! :) The stress of a failing company and being caught between the shareholders and the former CEO is completely gone. Either it will work out now or it won't - it is completely out of my hands. Our bills are paid for another few weeks, so it doesn't really accomplish anything to fret about stuff two weeks from now.

Today I took the girls to their therapy appointment and then we went to the beach. It is a beautiful So. Cal kind of day! Sunny and 75 degrees with a slight breeze. The water was warm, and the girls had fun with me in the waves. We enjoyed our In-N-Out lunch on the way home, and Aunt Barb is playing with the girls in the living room.

O's behavior has gotten a lot better. We still have our minor temper tantrums now and again, but for the most part, she is a lot more fun to be around. We have both noticed how polite they are. I guess 6 months of modeling polite behavior has finally paid off! When they make mistakes, they apologize. When they ask for things, they say please and thank you most of the time.

Jenetta and I are very grateful that things have returned to a more normal place with the girls. Life is challenging enough without defiance and screaming and kicking all the time!

Because I put in so much time with the girls today, I banked some free time with Jenetta, so after dinner, I'm going to hang out with the guys and watch the Charger's game.

Other than the not having any money part, I could really get used to being unemployed! :)

Thanks for your prayers and support. It means a lot!

Thanks!

2009-09-06T13:18:00.000-07:00

I've gotten a lot of response on the last post. Some were concerned that I revealed too much; most everyone was supportive and sympathetic.

Things have been a little better since then on the home front. O actually had a pretty good day yesterday, and from Thursday on she has been talking about trying harder to listen. We have a reward/consequences system in place that works pretty well. O has been really sad that her choices have left her out of some good stuff, so she has been determined to get to the end of the day with her three smiley faces still on her chart. Yesterday, she made it! So that has been encouraging. Yes, she is still defiant and struggling to control everything and having screaming temper tantrums every day. But it is all a matter of degree and the intensity has definitely gone down significantly. Most of the time she is a sweet and kind little girl.

In talking with her therapist, we are convinced that my three day trip to the east coast had a lot to do with O's regression. I basically handle all the morning parenting duties until I head off to work. So me not being there for waking up, breakfast, and getting dressed really was a source of anxiety for the girls. We feel things have improved back to pretty much where we were before the trip. So that has been a huge relief and a big answer to prayer.

I've accepted the uncertainty that is my job right now. The decisions that will set the future for the company are being made over the weekend, and a call to put things into action will happen Tuesday or Wednesday I am told. It can't come soon enough. I can't go into depth in the blog, but suffice it to say, there is a group of people that are dissatisfied with the current direction of the company and want to see a significant course correction. I agree with their position. They have said nice words to me about my role in trying to fix things and dealing with everything honestly, but whether or not that translates into an income remains to be seen. Mostly, though, I just want the stress over. I am tired of being in the very awkward situation I find myself in now. It's tough to watch someone make foolish choices and deceive themselves that they are doing the right thing (or be completely unaware of how close the consequences are to arriving at the doorstep).

Matthew 6:34 - Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

But I wanted to say thank you to those of you who are praying for us. Your encouragement means a lot. Thanks!

I'm tired! And I feel like complaining...

2009-08-30T16:27:00.000-07:00

... about a lot of things.

Right now, I am tired of discipline and structure for the girls. It's been tough since I came back from my trip. We feel that my being gone really stirred up anxiety in O, or she is just going through a regression phase, but regardless of the reason, we are sick of behaviors we thought were behind us. It's sad to watch really. She feels the need so much to be in control, to be the parent, to be in charge for her and her sister. But she's only 4 and doesn't have the skills or the mental capacity to even know what to do. So she just does SOMETHING... ANYTHING... in her mind to deal with what is going on around her. This typically leads to destroyed things, defiant behavior, a lot of really wrong choices, and a whole host of things that make her annoying to be around. Who is this kid? And why did we invite her into our home? :)

I'm tired of the heat. We had an amazing summer. Temps in the 80s and low 90s during the day and chilly at night. That's all forgotten now - it's 103 today. We run the air constantly, and I know the electric bill will be huge.

I'm tired of how the stress of everything is affecting me physically and how almost everyone I know has told me "... you look really tired..." I'm tired of hearing that! I'm tired of the bags under my eyes and the solemn look on my face that is present most days.

But mostly I am so very tired of uncertainty. It's been almost three years now that we have been living with the fear behind having no idea how we will pay our next mortgage payment. Maybe we are banging our heads against the wall and just not listening to what is being told to us. Maybe we are living above our means and we should cut our losses, take the destroyed credit rating, and move back to a mobile home. Maybe we will never again enjoy the kind of earnings we experinced four and five years ago. The stress of this is just overwhelming at times. It is a black cloud over me all the time - draining my energy, robbing me of joy, keeping me from investing in others because I am so focused on our own situation.

It seems much worse now that we are responsible for two more lives...

I have about two weeks left at my job. Unless something dramatic happens this week, our company is sunk. We owe much more than is in the bank account, and when that is gone, there will be no money to pay me anymore. This is sad for a lot of people - not just me. I've learned a lot, and my resume is certainly more impressive, but this company was perhaps the best chance I will ever see in my lifetime to be in on the ground floor of a business that has the opportunity to grow into a worldwide presence. It has been fun to dream of all the good things I could do for so many people as I helped direct the company. It's been sad to watch my boss deceive himself and others and waste the many opportunities we've been given. He will be in overwhelming financial trouble. At 62, I wonder what other opportunities are out there for him. A lot of good people will lose their investments and the hopes they had for the future as well.

There has been a verse that has been on my mind for about a week now. Matthew 5 starts out with

Now when he saw the crowds, he went up on a mountainside and sat down. His disciples came to him, and he began to teach them saying: "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven...

I've been wondering a lot about what it means to be "poor in spirit." I love the way The Message paraphrases that, "You're blessed when you're at the end of your rope..." Jesus spoke so much about the Kingdom of Heaven being at hand. Not that life sucks here on Earth, so just deal with it until you die and get to Heaven. Jesus taught that God's Kingdom was here - now. So what does that mean??? How do I live like I belive that?

I know I feel poor in spirit. I know I'm at the end of my rope. I'm tired of having $10 in the savings account just to keep it open. I'm tired of saying "No" and correcting my daughter dozens of times everyday. I'm tired of Jenetta's business being in the toilet. I'm tired of going back to applying and interviewing for a job and begging for someone else to take a chance on me. I'm tired of the uncertainty and doubts. Maybe it means when I acknowledge that I don't have the answers and get a proper humble perspective of myself and God, that there is room for Him to work in my life and my circumstances. At times, I have clarity of thought. I can look back and see time after time after time how God took care of us, provided us with what we needed, and made things work out in a way that I couldn't conceive of before. I was telling my dad that it would be really nice if God gave us the same spiritual acuity in future events as we seem to be blessed with when looking back. There wouldn't be much room for faith, but it sure seems like it would be more peaceful for everyone... God doesn't work that way. I don't know why.

I want to experience God's Kingdom right now. I want the peace that God gives us. I want to be able to think back on God's provision Jenetta and I have personally experienced over the years, and then have that affect the way I feel for longer than 4 or 5 minutes before the stress comes back. I've been thinking about the phrase from Mark 9:24 a lot lately:

Immediately the boy's father exclaimed, "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!"

Because that's about all I can do.

Trip to Bethlehem, PA

2009-08-21T14:09:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting in the airport in Charlotte, NC enjoying a tasty BBQ pork sandwich and a few minutes' relief from the middle seat woes... Traveling with the boss - guess who gets the middle seat? :(

This trip was necessary for work - it was kind of a hail mary attempt to raise some capital for our company. We are so close - we have distribution ready to go - we have product warehoused in PA and SD, everyone loves the water, BUT we just don't have the necessary capital to support the sales and marketing effort. So we met with a small group of our investors. Basically, if we don't get more money from them or from their friends in the next two weeks, our company is pretty much done. I felt pretty good about the meetings yesterday, but the follow up and candid conversations I've had afterward leave me with my nagging doubts.

I could go on and complain about the state of things, how I don't want to lose my job (again), or that if we shut down, a lot of really good people will have lost a significant chunk of money that they will never get back, or how the travel to and from was just about the most terrible I've ever experienced, but that just makes me dwell on it more and I just end up soliciting a bunch of "poor Jon" comments on the blog.

So I'd like to highlight two good things about the trip.

Breakfast this morning was awesome! The blueberry muffin was adequate - that really had nothing to do with the awesomeness...

There is a man on our board of directors who is by far our most active shareholder. He has been a friend to my boss for many years. He is the guy my boss turns to when he's struggling. This man is a sports medicine doctor and former olympic medalist. He is also a believer. He has been such an encouragement to me. Knowing there is someone else out there who I can tell the unvarnished truth to (dropping the annoying company line) is so refreshing. He is a father of 5 young children, and his wife homeschools them. Everything about this guy is rock-solid.

This morning, he and I went away from our hotel and walked down the streets of Bethlehem, PA and talked and prayed together. One of his kids is into astronomy big-time. He was talking about a star called Canis Majoris, which is apparently is 1800 times larger than our own sun. His boy brings that up a lot when he is facing a tough time - "just think - a star that massive - and God just SPOKE it into existence!" We talked a lot about the beauty and power behind that. Words really don't do it justice. We have a relationship with the God who created Canis Majoris. Yet He is intimately involved in our lives and knows the number of hairs on our head.

We prayed for each other and left the cafe where we ended up knowing that no matter what happens with the company, God is in control. We don't have to be...

The other thing deals with the girls. I have been in pretty close contact with Jenetta when I could during this trip. She even took care of mapquesting directions for us from the Newark Aiport where we ended up at midnight on Wednesday. In our conversations together, it is obvious that me being gone for three days has a big effect on the girls. Jenetta is really frustrated. Behaviors we haven't seen in months are resurfacing. Jenetta is convinced that the stress and uncertainty is coming back for them. No matter how much I tell them I am coming back on the phone, they've heard all that before, and won't belive it until they see me when they wake up tomorrow morning.

Hearing her talk about this just breaks my heart for our daughters. We try so hard to provide stability for them, and they have shown so much improvement over the last 5 months. It is such a fragile thing...

But in a way it makes me feel kind of good, too. It's good to feel needed. It's good to feel responsible for something other than your own hapiness. This was the reason we were interested in the concept of adoption anyway.

So I am exhausted, and hoping to get out of Charlotte in about 45 minutes. Pray that I make it home and have energy and strength and patience to be full-time dad tomorrow.

Hawaiian Luau

2009-08-15T08:34:00.000-07:00

Last night we enjoyed a "Hawaiian vacation" right here in San Diego. We went to the Kona Kai resort on Shelter Island. They had a really great buffet that included BBQ Kalua pork. After the meal, there was a demonstration of different Polynesian dances and songs with a really nice narration of the meaning behind each.

The girls even got to go on stage near the end and dance with the show! Sorry, I can't post the video of that. But if you live close to one of my family members, they can share the video with you sometime. It was really cute.

We went with CJ and Joy, and it was a really fun evening. Plus, the girls spent the night at Grandma's house afterwards - what could be better? :)

I thought we were past this...

2009-08-08T13:12:00.000-07:00

There are many great things about being close friends with people who are 10 years younger than you. Watching them start their families, stress out about home purchases, walking alongside them as they struggle in areas you've been through.... It can be very rewarding. It is also a lot of fun!

But there is a downside. When we were in Flagstaff and early in our time here in SD, we were at the age where friends came and went as directed by schooling and careers. It is hard to go through that. You feel like you really are close to someone and then they (or you) move on to another chapter in your life. Most of our peers are pretty much settled by now. They have homes, families, steady incomes, (more of less) etc., and because we have lived here now for 11 years, everything pretty much stayed the same. You get accustomed to the knowledge that they will be there for you and you for them.

Except for a few years ago when we joined a homegroup of other double-income-no-kids people. Now almost all of them have kids and/or only one income, so much has changed! And today, we are going to a good bye party for two families we really love and respect so much. It's hard to go through that again - I thought we were pretty much over that.

Brandon and Crystal Barnett (and Austin) are being transferred to Washington DC. After that commitment is up, they will most likely be returning to the Republic of Texas, so the chances are good we may never live close to them again. Brandon and I are very different, but I've really enjoyed our time together. He's a good friend. (Even if he was convinced he wouldn't like me before we met)... :) He was a great support as I trained for the marathon. They are a great family. Crystal is an amazing mom, and even though we knew that moving around is part of Marine Corp life, it still will be hard to see them go.

Cassia and Brad Carter are moving to Chicago as Brad pursues a graduate degree in art. Brad is a talented painter and an amazing volleyball player. He is a quiet thinker, so when he speaks, it is always worth hearing what he has to say. Cassia is outgoing and warm. She is the person I ask when I have any wine questions, but she is also a person who thinks and likes to discuss and learn. Their attitudes about spiritual growth and understanding are almost infectious. When you are around them, you want to discuss and learn more. We will miss them a lot, too.

So, in a few hours, we are gathering around a pool to hangout and have a good time together, but for me it will be a bittersweet event. It's hard to say goodbye to people that have invested in your life. They've been there for us during a time of great change for us - business dying, changing careers, adopting girls, changing careers again, and so much more.

I don't know how to end this. I'm just sad about it.

Too many thorns

2009-07-30T11:26:00.001-07:00

Mark 4:18-19

¹⁸Still others, like seed sown among thorns, hear the word; ¹⁹but the worries of this life, the deceitfulness of wealth and the desires for other things come in and choke the word, making it unfruitful.

I feel very convicted by this today. I've been feeling for a long time that I am overwhelmed by concerns and details about work. I wake up at night, I wake up early, it's almost all I think about. Some of this is stress that will be alleviated soon when my boss returns. But most of it is just concern about doing a good job and working hard for the investors who have put their trust and money in our hands.

The times I am able to focus on homelife, I find myself being consumed with the need to do chores around the house - the cleaning never ends with two preschoolers! And even when there are not chores to be done, I fill my time watching shows on PBS and playing Cities and Knights online.

For several days now, I have been feeling like although I pray a lot, there has not been very much substance to my faith. It feels meaningless and empty. I hear a voice telling me to spend more time in God's Word. Then I blow it off and read the paper or wash dishes.

This morning I woke up early. Before doing all the chores, I picked up in the book of Mark where I had left off weeks before. The verses above stopped me.

I'm surrounded by thorns. I can describe and name every one of them, and most of them I planted myself or let grow around me. I don't feel like I am producing any fruit - even in the lives of our daughters.

I want to be good, fruitful soil...

Camping in Santa Barbara

2009-07-27T11:04:00.001-07:00

Well, I survived it!

Jenetta and her mom were in Chicago for a women blogging convention, so I had the girls by myself from Thursday to Sunday. I decided to take advantage of the time and take them camping.

I wanted to go somewhere cool, and I felt that the drive to the Sierras would be too long. It would be in the upper 90s in our local mountains, so I thought Santa Barbara was a better choice.

Well, it made for an interesting adventure, but it was just as hot and dusty there as it would be here. Live and learn! Our campsite was east and north of Santa Barbara, but it was actually down the ridge on the other side in a canyon, so there were no ocean breezes to cool us at all. And because I was delayed in getting everything packed up, we left later than I wanted to, so we hit solid traffic from Burbank all the way to Santa Barbara and the trip up took over 6 hours!

We finally made it to the campground, and the stove that I borrowed ran out of fuel - of course I didn't have a spare fuel can with me, so the mac and cheese I was making did not turn out very well. We ended up making hot dogs over the fire, which was just fine.

I set up our outdoor shower and got the girls ready for bed. Stories in the tent were a lot of fun, and they snuggled closely to hear what I was telling them. They actually slept surprisingly well, but I doubt I got more than 3 or 4 hours of sleep in total.

The next morning, we drove farther into the canyon to find swimming holes on the Oso Creek. The water hadn't run for some time, but the swimming holes were still filled. When we arrived, there were only a few people, but soon it was packed. The water was green and very stagnant and with all the people jumping into it, I didn't have to wonder why. The girls thought it was yucky, and although we swam a little bit, most of the morning was spent just playing in the mud.

We had lunch by the swimming hole and then went back to get cleaned up for nap time. Continued in the next post...

Below are some photos of the view toward where we camped, our campsite, and the Oso Creek experience. Of special note is our shower. The girls and I built and painted the shower deck together on Thursday. We used mostly leftover wood and old paint. It was a great project to do together!